Mils and Eddie, my beloved.

Hello from Southern California :) I am currently sitting in my grandparent's living room, completely content after gorging myself on chicken lettuce wraps from Szechwan. Today has been absolutely lovely! After having my wisdom teeth out on Monday, it was nice to spend the morning running errands with Mille (Grammy), my hospitable Grandmother.

My favorite thing about Grammy is her openness. One never has to wonder what Grammy is thinking about because she often volunteers what's on her mind -- before ever being probed. This wonderful quality often makes for hilarious conversations, and memorable times together. We spent our morning shopping for cousins, and as Grammy puts it "spending social security money."

After spending the morning together, I came home to Grandpa boy. He was sitting in his oversized, red leather recliner, reading the paper, and watching a ball game as usual. After following him around the house like a golden retriever puppy, and talking about a world map and geography, we decided to clean the front porch while talking. :)

Grandpa, every bit the person I desire to be, cracked out the rags, and soaked them with soapy water, and then expected me to stop cleaning after wiping down the chairs he wished to sit on. I laughed (painfully, through chipmunked cheeks) and expressed my desire to continue cleaning. Our conversation was centered on this upcoming summer, my education, and my future. I listened to his words of wisdom, even when some of them were hard to hear. At one point, Grandpa said, "Gosh, you are just like Martha." I said "Why thank you, I love my grandma (my mom's mother), and acquired my cleaning skills from her." He laughed and said "No, not that Martha... the other one. You need to learn how to be Mary." I laughed and said that I would sit at his feet just as soon as I finished cleaning :)

Right after his hilarious comment, Grammy popped her head outside and asked what in the world I was doing. I told her that I was trying to work for her love, and she rebutted by saying "Well honey, you'll need to work a lot harder for that." I gasped and she winked at me. The beautiful thing about that interaction was that the jest stems from my security in my grandparents love for me.

My day has been full. My heart is full. My life is full. That's all. <3

Danger

So I'm currently in the kitchen, chopping away at some veggies for a salad. I have a girls night to attend in about 30, but really wanted to blog before I lost track of my thoughts. Come to think of it, I have many thoughts. But I'll start with last weeks realization. It wasn't a thought that I came up with unfortunately, it was definitely dropped into my mind like a stork with a baby after several minutes in prayer. Therefore it was not my thought, but rather the Spirit's that He chose to share with me. Allow me to share!

This past summer, I distinctly remember the Spirit impressing upon the importance of prayer. In specific, I felt like I was called to intercede on behalf of His people. I remember thinking at the time "huh, that's interesting... what does that mean? What would interceding even look like in my life?" A month later, I was at a holy spirit night, praying in a group of close friends. While in prayer, a woman (that I'd never met before) walked up to our group, and asked who in our group attended Arizona State University. I raised my hand, and happened to be the only one out of the group. The lady (still a stranger to me) proceeded to tell me that she felt like I have a calling on my life to be an interceder (those were her words) and that I was called to pray for the lost in my life. I remember walking away from that night and calling my grandpa. Surely if the Spirit of God prompts your heart to move, and it is confirmed by a complete stranger, this must mean I should jump on it... right? But I wasn't even sure how to. Sure, I love praying, and it is an effortless part of my day, but what does interceding look like? 2 weeks after this incident, I happened to grab a cup of coffee with a woman that I have grown to know and love. She is full of wisdom and is sensitive and obedient to the prompt that the Spirit places on her heart. During our time together -- in the middle of a conversation about nursing school, she stopped me mid sentence and said "Kelly, I really feel like God is wanting you to be steadfast in prayer." and she proceeded to recommend the name of a book for me to read. I was astonished, and quickly filled her in on my story. Which brings me to this past Sunday. I have been out of school now for about 2 weeks, and have made a commitment to spend an hour in prayer (be it through writing, drawing, speaking, or being silent)every day. While I was driving to my Phoenix home on Sunday, I was in deep prayer and had a divine realization that I am dangerous.

A surrendered heart at the mercy of her Father, an empty cistern filled with His love, a tool whose purpose is to be used by the craftsman. I am dangerous. In the hands of the one who is ALREADY victorious. Set free from sin, with death no longer holding me back. I am dangerous. I am a threat to the enemy. With victory on my side, and the Spirit of the Victor in me, I can claim enemy territory and actively combat the works of satan in my community, and in my life. My wish is not to live the comfortable American dream, but to live within 10 feet from the gates of hell and offer the hope and salvation of Jesus, the only one who can save, to those who the world would deem good as gone. Alone, I am useless. But with Jesus, all things are possible. My epiphany may seem childish, but my challenge is strong: if God has prompted your heart, or placed a defined call on your life, and you are not living in obedience to that, you are now living within the confines of satan. You are in his grasp, and you are playing his game. His goal is to distract, and direct us -- his Enemy's people -- off course, and to nullify and drown out the Spirit's call in our lives. Empowered by the spirit, and courageous in the world, we as believers are an active threat. My challenge to you, my challenge to myself is this: God is calling, God is moving, God is desiring for His people to be united with Himself. He will not leave us, He promises His spirit to be in us, but He uses our hands -- that are open to him, He uses our hearts -- that are surrendered to Him, He uses our will -- that is yielded to Him, and He uses our feet -- that are at the will of the One who is the way, the truth, and the light. Will you follow?

Lessons learned.

Wow. I'm at the coffee shop :) Sipping on green tea of course, and reflecting on my past semester! I have one week left of my first semester in Nursing School, and I'm kind of in disbelief. What a semester it has been! From moving out, to moving in (with the MacKays), meeting news friends that would soon turn into family (Sam, Lisa, Ginnie...), to discovering and caring for people that are truly diamonds just waiting to be uncovered in the cafeteria of a nursing home. My semester has been wonderful. My stories are long and the memories are precious.

From the homeless shopping-cart-man hiding trinkets on my roof, to wearing nothing but green tights and cardboard on Halloween and pretending I'm a ninja turtle, from using Sam as my needled dart board, to actually giving my first injection into a real patient, from changing on old man's briefs, to curling up in a chair and listening to another one's life story, this semester has been full of firsts. First patient, first time getting attached to a patient and wanting to take them home with me in my scrub pocket. First time living on my own, and hold myself accountable. First time I've had more than 2 cups of coffee in a month, first time without horses to use as my coping mechanism. I'm really just blabbing, but I am wholly content with where I'm at right now in life, and decided to turn that into a blog entry. :)

Great is God, and great is His faithfulness to me. In providing for me, in being my life and breath, in being the one I reflect, and in shining bright enough for others to notice and ask. He has been my portion, my gracious reward. He is my hope and strength, and His love is radical. May my life be spent. May the cup of my heart be emptied daily so that it may be refilled with Him who I adore. His presence is my excitement, His promise is my joy, and His history is my courage. God help me to trust in You. Even when I question the circumstances, may I never question your heart. May I be secure in knowing that your heart is for me. May you delight in me.
<3 Kel

P.S. A few quotes can sum up the semester...

Be prepared, and love. That's how you live with no regrets. ~70 year old man, dying of cancer that shared his life with me for an hour.
Well it seemed like a good idea at the time. ~Kevin
Be froogle with yourself and generous with others. ~Grandpa love
Just dance. It's gonna be okay. ~Brynny
What flourishes under control? What withers under liberating love?