Food for thought.

"I was hungry and you formed a humanities club and you discussed my hunger. Thank you.

I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly to your chapel in the cellar to pray for my release.

I was naked and in your mind you debated the morality of my appearance.

I was sick and you knelt and thanked God for your health.

I was homeless and you preached to me of the spiritual shelter of the love of God.

I was lonely and you left me alone to pray for me.

You seem so holy; so close to God.

But I’m still very hungry and lonely and cold.

So where have your prayers gone? What have they done? What does it profit a man to page

through his book of prayers when the rest of the world is crying for help?"

-M. Lunn



Father,

May actions accompany my prayers. May my prayers not be hollow petitions, but may they be active. May they have feet. May I stop talking and start doing. May I serve the least of these, the prodigals, the ones you wish to know in an intimate way. May I be your hands and may my hands get dirty, filthy in the process. May my life, my actions -- not just my prayers, reflect You.

<3 Kel

Oh what a day... What a life!

I was 30 minutes short of spending 12 hours with this kid. Meet Evan, hilarious, of course, a fighter, always. After taking my last final yesterday (*praise* I totally pulled a B in that class ~ I'm still not sure how!), I picked Evan up for a fun filled day! Evan is duking it out with cancer right now, and is scheduled to have a Stem Cell Transplant on the 18th -- a year's worth of chemo in 8 days! Join me in covering his life in prayer? Evan so kindly took me to lunch at Rosa's and I got the cheese crisp -- just like I did when I was a kid. We then migrated over to the Farrell's house, and played with ponies for a few hours. I love animals. Cody (the brown pony) even participated in a photo shoot with me -- I've included my fav :) From there, I introduced him to the goats (he was less than thrilled about their hollow eyes and poop smeared noses haha) and finally to my horses! We then hit up Poly and met up with Jazzy, I like her a lot. After almost car painting on the wrong car, we then headed to Liberty Market for dinner with Kevin and Dad, and finally to Ember (college group). It was an eventful night and ended with me making a 5 lane U-turn (man I've never laughed so hard), and crashing a man date at Klint's house. What was supposed to be dropping Evan off turned into staying, eating fruit snacks and playing a super fun ~ slightly embarrassing game!



As of late, I've been thinking a lot about relationships. 2 weeks ago, I asked Jasmine if she thought that she could ever really know somebody -- completely, wholly. She said yes. My friend Jake told me on Saturday, that every time we leave, after hanging out, he realizes that I leave knowing more about him, and he leaves knowing nothing more about me. Evan and I had the same conversation yesterday. It's funny how you can know so many detailed stories about a person, but walk away not knowing the true person. Admittedly, I would be guilty of such accusations. I might also be of the mindset that I can never fully know someone... but then I think about relationships that I've had with various people in my life, and I recall times of honesty and vulnerability and think that maybe I'm wrong. Why do I build up a wall? Likely out of fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of not being radically accepted. Fear pretty much just sums it up. It sounds so silly typing, but it's my reality nevertheless.



What I am going to do about this you might ask? Self disclosure. It's frowned upon in nursing, but I'm thinking that it might help me move past my comfort zone and expose myself to people. I suppose that hurting is part of loving. I think it would be better to love fearlessly than to be alone and untouched. I am far from perfection, but that isn't really my goal. My goal is to love like Jesus, and I'm pretty sure that His love was whole, pure and vulnerable. Such are the thoughts that have been going through my head as of late. <3 Kel

2 + 24 cents worth.

Yesterday was interesting. I found 26 cents in the parking lot as I was leaving an AA meeting. That's 1/10 of the way to a green tea at The Coffee Shop. Like I said, interesting. I've had a copious amount of thoughts buzzing through my head as of late, and I'm not sure what to do about it. So naturally, I'm blogging.

Over the past few weeks, I've heard sad stories. Stories of neglect, abuse, abandonment and just plain sorrow. These stories have come from loved ones, friends, classmates, coworkers, patients and the like. These stories have made me wonder about happiness. Maybe "The pursuit of happiness" isn't what it's all about. Maybe, that motto, that most Americans strive to flesh out in daily life, just leads to greater discontentment. Maybe life isn't supposed to be happy. Maybe, just maybe, life is tragic with a few happy moments peppered in.

While I was rollerblading yesterday, I was thinking about the notion of weeping. In Joel, the Lord declares "Yet even now, return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts... Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love."

If indeed we are to endear ourselves to the heart of God with tears, hunger pains and sorrow, why do we still pursue happiness? Happiness is but fleeting, but the joy of God is everlasting. I'm pretty sure this blog is confusing, but I'm starting to think that maybe my focus in life is off. Not saying that being happy is a bad thing, but perhaps that should not be the focus of my pursuits. Maybe, being broken is where it's really at. I'm still thinking.