I was made to belong.

Anxious.

Restless.

Moving.

The pace of my day, the speed of my thoughts, seem to drown out Your presence.

Fearful.

Tearful.

Strong.

My head sits perched, above my heart, as if to stand guard.

Good byes being said.

Boxes packed.

Dainty belongings, neatly loaded.

The bags of my soul seem to be waiting by the door too.

Slowing down.

Shutting up.

Tuning out... the world and all of its noise.

You tame me with Your grace.

You break me with Your tenderness.

You are kind.

You are good, and to that, my whole being can attest.

You are faithful.

You remind me... 

That trust is the antidote to anxiety.

That shalom can overcome the bitter sting of restlessness.

That stillness does not equate to failure.

That fear can prevent wild dreams from being attained.

That You delight in my asthmatic episodes of tears.

That the strength of my head is my way of keeping you an arms length away from my heart.

That Good Bye are two words that I will never hear from You, directed towards me.

That even though my address is changing, my soul can sink down roots in You, the bags of my soul can be unpacked in Your eternal dresser. 

Truth is...

You are worthy to be trusted, Your faithfulness litters my story.

Shalom is accessible to me, this day, because of Jesus.

I can not be more successful than being still, in spirit, and posturing myself before You.

You stopped at nothing to let Your love triumph over fear. Fear comes from the father of lies, but You are my Good Father, and I will choose this day, to listen to You.

Tears are my gift of surrender. Tender vulnerability, packaged in small wet drops, addressed to Your heart.

I have created the distance I feel between us, but You are dear, and Jesus was just dying to share Your intimacy with me.

Jesus secured my inheritance in You. That we will never again be separated. I will never be left nor forsaken, life in abundance is my reality because of Jesus.

My belonging is secure in You. My lease won't expire with You. I need not tread lightly with You.

I can be carried away in my rawness with You, because You are the only place I was made to belong.

{heart}
Kel

FL update!!
-I'm out of my apartment in Tempe
-My one-way ticket has been purchased for FL
-I'm shipping my car and some of my things
-I have finished the process of converting my AZ Nursing license to a FL license
-I'll be staying with some dear family friends until I get on my feet
-My new job starts June 18th!

Keep Calm and Move to Florida

Surprise!

What? As of last Monday (4/23), I am moving to Florida!

When? First week of June!

Where? Gainesville -- North, Central FL -- home of the UF gators

Why? I have accepted a new job at a local hospital. I will be moving up in my career and assuming new roles as an RN. I'll be working on their Step down/Medical ICU and am excited to be advancing in my profession.

Save the date -- June 2, 2012. Come and join me for an ice cream sundae and good-byes.

Stay tuned for updates of the journey to FL and the adventures to ensue :)

Much to disclose and much to unfold in the coming weeks!

{heart}
Kel 

Work in progress.

Do I make Your heart sad?

Do I make Your eyes leak?

I know that I made Your blood bleed.

Do You hear the cries of this child and see pangs from self inflicted wounds?

How my words must force the nails.

Tendon, bone.

Cracked, broken.

How my heart must lick Your side.

My apathy was the bitter sponge that You willing drank from.

My rebellion weighed in wood.

Misplaced on the temporary, my desperation fueled Your angst remark.

"Why have You forsaken me?"

You address not my soul, but the maker of this will.

No longer calling Him Father, but God, You were the blueprint for my freedom.

And Your body was cold.

Your skin, neatly wrapped.

The marker was placed on Your grave.

You really did die.

In death, You stripped me of my only shameful excuse.

Naked now, I'm left to be.

Sitting, unscathed, secure in belonging.

Guilt 6 feet down in the ground.

Light trickles in and Your whole self envelopes.

Quiet and still, Your spirit descends.

You whisper...

Hand out, My child, just trust
Be mine, my beloved; be different, be free
and always believe me when I say

I'm not finished with you yet.

{heart}
Kel

Listening to this and soaking in today.