Saturday, January 30, 2010


I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and my right hand on my cheek. I adore days like today. I had pleasant dreams last night, that reinforced what I’m supposed to be doing in life and the realization I had this morning (truly it was my first thought of the day) was that my Father is as close to me as my right hand was to my cheek. That put my day into perspective.

I’m currently sitting in the Poly library. Last spring, this place was my home away from home. I am so very fond of this place! I’ve made lots of wonderful memories here that I still cherish today. I’m currently one of four people in the library and wouldn’t you know the only female that’s here to study. Joy.

Yesterday, I had a crazy experience in clinical! I had a few interesting patients and I learned so so much. The valuable lesson that I learned yesterday was the worth of a smile. I am a student nurse. I feel like a baby. I am a sponge that has just touched liquid and I have an enormous amount of soaking to do in the coming years. Yesterday, I was placed in some difficult circumstances. With difficult patients (that ended up liking me by the end of the day). From dressing changes to full body assessments, I feel like there is much for me to improve on! What I have come to learn quickly is that if my communication fails, if I’m unsure what to say, or even unsure what to do -- just smile. That’s all.

All I have to offer a patient, or really anyone in my life, is my smile and my care. And I’m starting realize that if at the end of the day, that is all I have accomplished, then that is enough for me. You are loved just as you are. He loves you for you. Not for what you have done or for what you’ll become. He wants to show you a love that you have yet to know. Smile.

Oh wow! Make that five people in the library now. Thank you overachieving male engineer student.

Friday, January 29, 2010


Written 2 nights ago: So I really shouldn't be doing this right now. I've been in class ALL day (from 7:30-4), then I migrated to the hospital to pick out my patient for tomorrow, and now... I'm on the couch, in the front room of the main house, putting off the hour’s worth of homework that I know is still ahead of me. So, I'll make my points quick.

I have a friend. Her name is Grace. I love her. Grace is me. Literally. At the beginning of this year, I made Grace a poster to put in her room. It was full of truth and on the back, I wrote out a verse that I claimed as her life verse (and mine too!) for 2010.

It comes from Ephesians. "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints..."

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but I'll keep them short. Essentially, I have been far more perceptive into reality as of late. I am stating to recognize that I do not fight again flesh, rather my daily battles are spiritual. It is because of this, satan's constant attempt to take ground in my life, that I find it essential to surround myself in truth. Truth is, I am victorious. Truth is, I am a threat. Anyone who is perceptive to the prompts God puts on their heart, and is obedient to act them out, is a live threat to the schemes of satan. Truth is, my shield of faith can extinguish ALL of the flaming darts of the evil one. In this, my soul finds rest.

This was really my purpose in writing this blog... On Monday, I found my new Monday night activity. I had heard about a prayer and worship meeting on Monday's at ASU Main, and decided to carve some time out of my busy life to attend. I walked in and felt at home. Imagine 40-or so other believes, all passionate about Onething. The passion their hearts exuded made my heart feel like a lawn gnome. How encouraging it was to be surrounded by the body! And more than that, this manifestation of the body was composed of people my age, and they were captivated. It was beautiful really. I left with the cup of my heart spilling over. I've come to realize that we are created for one purpose. To worship. Both in this life and in the next, our day, our actions, our plans are meant to be forms of worship -- fragrant aromas -- to our Father. If you are reading this, it means that you (yes, YOU!) need to come. Monday night (every Monday night), from 7-9 at Danforth Chapel on ASU Main, there's a worship and prayer night. Come expectant.

This Monday night, while submersed in worship, the leader felt like we needed to break into groups and pray for each other. The scripture with which he felt prompted to pray over us with was none other than Ephesians 6. :) Yeah, my God is BIG. And He cares. I'm done.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Meh. Life.

I am currently sitting in the parking lot of a Jack in the Box in Payson. I am on my way home from a weekend of skiing, sledding, puzzling, and spending time with dear family and forever friends. It’s snowing right now. I just stuck my head outside the window and caught a snowflake on my tongue.  I have always wanted to do that, and now I can say that I have. I’ve been in a reflective mood the past few weeks. Not quite my typical self, but true to who I am nevertheless. It’s as if the windows to my soul have been cleaned with streak-free Windex and I am finally able to see inside with penetrating clarity. The funny thing is, I haven’t been too thrilled with what I’ve found.

This weekend, I attempted skiing. Ha! Wow, that was a fun time. I spent a good majority of the time playfully whining (which is of course what I do when I’m FREAKED out of my mind) and falling on my butt. I have come to learn that I’m not a thrill seeker. Point in case: the thought of going straight down a mountain on skis scared me more than a mouse in a snake’s cage. I also learned this weekend that I equate my performance in any area of life (school, relationships, athletic adventures, ect…) with how I am doing in my life as a whole. That didn’t make much sense, but allow me to illustrate. I tried skiing this weekend, for the first time in 10 years, and I felt like I failed miserably. Therefore I felt like failure all weekend long. It’s stupid, I know. I shouldn’t expect to be wonderful at something that I haven’t tried or had practice with, but that’s how I felt nevertheless. With that being said, I think that I have decided that it’s okay to fail at things. Even life.

Truth be told, I’m starting to realize that apart from Jesus, my life would never be successful. With Him I am victorious in life and triumphant over death. With His blood I am atoned and now have the privilege of sitting at my Father’s right hand. By His wounds I am healed, because of His death I have forgiveness, and with His resurrection I now have hope. The lesson I learned this weekend is this: that I set my bar too high. I hold myself to a standard that not even my Father holds me to. I have been plagued with a mentality of “if I just work a little harder, I can do it” and that has blinded me to the truth.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he has loved me, even when I was dead in my sin, made me alive together with Christ – by grace I have been saved – and raised me up with him and seated me with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards me in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace that I have been saved through faith. And this is not my own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2: 4-9

I am a recovering Pharisee. And I’m done.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Mils and Eddie, my beloved.

Hello from Southern California :) I am currently sitting in my grandparent's living room, completely content after gorging myself on chicken lettuce wraps from Szechwan. Today has been absolutely lovely! After having my wisdom teeth out on Monday, it was nice to spend the morning running errands with Mille (Grammy), my hospitable Grandmother.

My favorite thing about Grammy is her openness. One never has to wonder what Grammy is thinking about because she often volunteers what's on her mind -- before ever being probed. This wonderful quality often makes for hilarious conversations, and memorable times together. We spent our morning shopping for cousins, and as Grammy puts it "spending social security money."

After spending the morning together, I came home to Grandpa boy. He was sitting in his oversized, red leather recliner, reading the paper, and watching a ball game as usual. After following him around the house like a golden retriever puppy, and talking about a world map and geography, we decided to clean the front porch while talking. :)

Grandpa, every bit the person I desire to be, cracked out the rags, and soaked them with soapy water, and then expected me to stop cleaning after wiping down the chairs he wished to sit on. I laughed (painfully, through chipmunked cheeks) and expressed my desire to continue cleaning. Our conversation was centered on this upcoming summer, my education, and my future. I listened to his words of wisdom, even when some of them were hard to hear. At one point, Grandpa said, "Gosh, you are just like Martha." I said "Why thank you, I love my grandma (my mom's mother), and acquired my cleaning skills from her." He laughed and said "No, not that Martha... the other one. You need to learn how to be Mary." I laughed and said that I would sit at his feet just as soon as I finished cleaning :)

Right after his hilarious comment, Grammy popped her head outside and asked what in the world I was doing. I told her that I was trying to work for her love, and she rebutted by saying "Well honey, you'll need to work a lot harder for that." I gasped and she winked at me. The beautiful thing about that interaction was that the jest stems from my security in my grandparents love for me.

My day has been full. My heart is full. My life is full. That's all. <3