Monday, May 30, 2011

Oh no she didn't...

Oh yes I did?

I caught the bouquet on Friday night, at my dear friend's wedding, for the third time this year.

I love it when God gives supernatural epiphanies with ordinary things.

Are you ready for this?

In March, I was in line to catch the bouquet, thinking about how silly the tradition was and the silly "promise" that goes along with it. I was clearly in line to catch it, couldn't have been better positioned to receive it, when I thought "this is silly" and pulled my hands to my chest. It fell on the floor right in front of me, and I let someone else pick it up.

First lesson to be learned.
Has there ever been a time in your life when you hear God's voice? A time when you know - without a shadow of a doubt - that He makes you a promise? You stand there, positioning yourself to receive it, sure that He has sent it, patiently waiting for its arrival. You wait, you may even see it coming, and you take yourself out of the game. Fear? Apprehension? Doubt? You remove yourself from the game, perhaps to avoid the life change that you know will come with catching it, receiving His promise.

My brother's wedding. Two weeks ago, it was a lovely affair. Again, I stood on the floor, in a line of eager women -- this time thinking "still a tradition, but why not?" Apathetic, the flowers were heading for me, as if they had chosen me for themselves. This time, keeping my arms in the air, I caught it. Hand clasped around the stems, I soon realized that I was not the only one holding them. Another lovely lady was holding the flowers by their heads. She pulled the bouquet towards herself and jokingly asked if I wanted to fight for them. "Umm no!" was my response. I am not desperate. Not desperate enough to fight over flowers and the promise of being the next to get married. I laughed and handed them to her. I bowed out.

Second lesson to be learned.
Has there ever been a time in your life when you are playing this beautiful game of catch with God? So in tune with His voice, you trust Him when He says it's coming, it's heading your way. You see it, you want it, but as it gets closer, you grow apathetic? No longer passionate, zealous, perhaps you have been waiting awhile. Perhaps your fire died down to hot coals. Or maybe you have been waiting so long that you found it easier to kill off the hope -- the hope of its arrival -- than to stand any longer, expectant and with open arms, positioned to receive. Maybe, just maybe, you were so close to receiving this promise, but you took yourself out of the game after being influenced by another person. Any way, hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is.

This week, standing in this ridiculous line again, I stretched my arms out -- this time, with confidence. They came, they landed, I grasped and took hold. Was I surprised? No. I smiled.

Third (and final) lesson to be learned.
Has there ever been a time when you hear Him clearly, you stand with all anticipation and endurance, your eyes are so tuned into the spiritual realm that you see it, your person feels it coming? You are in faith, confident that it will come and despite all conditions, persevere for its arrival. It comes. You are positioned perfectly, you receive. In that receiving, you find joy, intimacy, confirmation that you had heard Him all along. Still in the game, you prepare yourself to return it.

The above may make absolutely no sense. I get that.

I climbed into my car on Friday night and couldn't stop smiling. No, not because of the ridiculous myth that I will be the next one to get married, but because God had been faithful to show me the work of His hands... be it through a silly cluster of flowers and a Beyonce song.

There have been times in my life when I have heard His voice, listened to His word, and walked off the field -- not wanting to accept it. Too afraid of the implications. Let's be real. Losing your life can be terrifying at times. It is times like these when I have to ask myself, "What am I holding on to?"

There have been other times in my life when I give up out of apathy. Lukewarm to the promise, I give up because I just don't care. It is then that I ask myself "Who are you really living for?" I have also walked out because the pain of standing on the field, without receiving is too much defeat for my little self to take. I remove myself and question if I even heard Him speak in the first place.

There have been times in my life when I float in His provision. So in tune with His voice, determined, I stand. For a long time, even. I practice what it means to trust, and to step out and step up, even when it doesn't make sense. I tell you the truth, receiving makes it worth it.

This post was entirely too long. Welcome to my world.

Abba Father,
Forgive me for every time I have given up, walked away, lost the faith for the promises You whispered to my soul. Help me to trust, help me to withhold, strengthen my arms and my back and my heart to stand yet another day. May my ears always be in tune with Your voice and may I listen. Take me as I am, and turn me into Your faithful one.



Just about to run out the door and head to Elvin's place (my celeb name for Ellie and Kevin) but I just HAD to tell you that:

I got my Authorization to Test today -- for the NCLEX!!!!! That might mean a whole lot of nothing to most of you, but it is the sweet-to-the-tart for me!

What does this mean?!? I can officially schedule a day to take my boards AND become an official nurse :) helloooooo.

Off to eat Jimmy Johns, write thank yous, watch Elvin open wedding gifts, and go in for a second interview with a hospital in Downtown!

In faith for many things.


Thursday, May 26, 2011


So today I killed some time at a coffee shop in Gilbert, The Coffee Shop to be precise. As I was leaving, I saw this man sitting outside on the patio and something inside of me began to stir. "Weird" I thought to myself.

I climb into my car and start driving -- I have 6 minutes until I had to be at a house, ready to receive two rambunctious children (yay babysitting!).

As soon as I hit the main road, I feel like the Spirit said "Turn around and pray for him. Pray with him." Torn, I thought back "um, I now have 5 minutes. I don't have time!"

Conflicted the entire way over there, I settled for praying aloud for him -- in my car... yeah, I know, definitely NOT the same. I prayed and asked for forgiveness; forgiveness for following my time line and not being obedient to the Lord's (after all, I did have someone counting on me... she had to do a drop and run!); forgiveness for not being obedient and following His prompt on my life.

A few hours later, I was in the process of scrubbing the dirt off of an adorable 2 year old -- bath time -- when he decided to jump up and attempt a cannon ball in the tub! Bad idea in shallow water. The amusement he gained in my shriek was apparently WORTH the bodily pain he incurred. Knowing that his impact had to have hurt, I advised that he shouldn't do that again.

What went through his brain? "Hmm that sounds like a challenge! I know what to do with a challenge!" -- this of course is an assumption, but it was plastered all over the grin on his wily face.

Again, he stood up and smashed his body into the tub. Stern this time, I warned that if he did it again, bath time would be over.

You guessed it. He just had to see for himself if I really meant what I said.

He soon found out that I did. Plucking him out of the tub and wrapping him in a towel, tears quickly exposed themselves. I wrapped him up and held him and whispered into his ear "Every choice has a consequence and this is the consequence of your decision."

I know, he might not have understood my words, but someday he will.

I finished my thought with this "We must obey because God calls us to be obedient, even in the small choices."

Let the conviction roll in.

It wasn't until the words had already surfaced that I recognized the irony. Hypocrisy, might be more appropriate.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized that this sweet (spicy) boy was no different than I. Both have been born with seeds of rebellion, both are being drawn towards the Holy One, both are called to obedience.

I wrapped him up and held him close enough to saturate my clothes with soapy water. What did I learn in this precious moment?

I learned that the difference between the two of us wasn't that grand! His rebellion manifested in an outward expression. Mine? No one ever had to know, it was an inward conflict, but just as wrong.

Today, I decided wrong. Today, I was disobedient.

Lord God, would you revoke these seeds of rebellion in me and may only good seeds remain. Help me to be rebellious against the world, disobedient to the plans and time lines in it, and abound in obedience to the nudges You kindly place in my life.


To hear the toast I gave at Kev's wedding, click here!

When words fail.

The only response is HOLY GHOST.

Tonight was one of those nights. You know, the kind of night where you get to your car and you just want to close the door and scream. And then sob. And then laugh like you're crazy.

The kind of night where you leave the building and the only thing you are thinking is "Oh my goodness, I simply HAVE to share this with someone! But who?!?"

Yeah, welcome to my evening. If you were here, in our wedding-cluttered office, I would jump onto your lap and tell you my story, all with the excitement of a giddy school girl of course!

Background: I like to pray. For those of you who know me, prayer is kind of my favorite. More background: A few years ago, while I was in the mountains, God spoke very clearly to me and said "you are to be an intercessor" My response?!? "Hmm, well okay! Whatever that means... God if that's from You, You'll have to teach me." Fast forward one month and 3 (yes, three) people came up to me at random and said that they felt like God was telling them to tell me that I was to be an intercessor.

One of those three gave me a book on prayer. And so my journey began.

Fast forward more... I have many stories (and soap boxes) that I could share -- or stand on for that matter (mmk I'm already over that analogy), but all you need to know is that I met this guy named Daniel, and we would pray over the church, every Thursday. With two other ladies.

Two months ago, Daniel told me about a ministry at church. He said that there were 9 people in their 20's that were going to spend 2-3 months doing missions over seas. He said that there was a week-long training program and that part of their training was on prayer.

"Sweet!" I thought to myself. But then he went on... and asked if I would lead the portion on prayer. I laughed and thought "uh, me?". "Yes." was his emphatic reply.

Fast forward to tonight. I am in my car, in the parking lot, praying "God, what have I done?". Convinced that I have nothing to share, so much more to learn, and feeling like the baby in the group -- here comes Kelly. Younger than anyone in the group and yet LEADING the group?!? Yeah. My thoughts exactly. This is CRAZY.

I pray for strength, pray for something, anything, to say and muster up the courage to go in.

I go in, and recognize a face; he was one of the 9 and jokingly said "Oh hey, look! Kelly is here. She's going to lead our next group." I smiled and said "Yes!" and then laughter emerged. He was joking. I was serious.

"I can't do this without You" I prayed, and then I opened my mouth.

What followed was nothing short of a HOLY GHOST moment. 3.5 hours might be more accurate. It was ridiculous. I am not kidding you.

I talked for a few mins about my passion for prayer, and tried to convince the 9 to get crazy about it too. They were hesitant to say the least. I mean, prayer? Really?

After finishing my short spiel, I asked permission to prayer over everyone before taking off. The agreed and we pushed one chair in the middle. A hot seat, so to speak.

What followed was 3 hours of Holy Spirit. I am not kidding you. *This is the point where I would pinch your cheeks and say "Um, I am being FOR REALS serious" if you were here sitting with me* The Most Holy Spirit of God provided insight into each person, each story, each need. He gave the precious gift of His discernment and the things that came pouring out of my mouth were ridiculous.

Who am I that the LORD God would look upon me with such favor?

Who am I that He would gift me with the ability to look into 9 precious souls?

What was even more remarkable were the prayers of His people. These 9 people went from being skeptical about this whole prayer thing, to men and women that were emboldened by the Spirit of God, and ones that spoke with the authority that only comes from His Spirit.

Our time together was rich, and after the last person had been prayed for, after the last Amen, we all stepped back and looked at each other. In shock. We wondered "what just happened?"

I kid you not. The Spirit of God was alive in that place. Heavy, tangible; He poured His Spirit out among His people. Here, in Gilbert AZ, in the back of our church building, a new group of intercessors were born.

I love it when God comes and wrecks your night.

I love it when He leaves you speechless and grinning.

I love it when He kindles fire in the hearts of His bride.

I love Him.

Just had to share before going to bed. Simply couldn't sleep without doing it!


Sunday, May 22, 2011

From dust to dust.

Coming from dust, You breathed this life into existence.
On par for returning to dust, who am I that You would want me?

That You would woo me to Yourself?
That You would desire communion with me?
That You would make a way for me to know you?
And love my soul?

This body is going to be humbled right back to the dirt, where it first began.
Who am I that You would be mindful of me, jealous for my soul, and hungry for my devotion?

Who am I, O God, that You would want me for Yourself?

Praise be to God the Father, the One I belong to, the One who has set me free.

Praise be to Him who makes beautiful things out of the dust.

I am free to love You.


You simply MUST listen to this. I am not kidding. Click on it <------
Weekend update: Kevin got hitched on Friday night -- pictures of that to come later! Woke up on Sat morning (4:40am) to attend this. And in case you were wondering, the 7 hours of driving and almost falling asleep at the wheel on the way up... were TOTALLY worth the 30 hours we spent up at Lost Canyon!

Stopping for tea after 2.5 hours of driving and trying to convince my eyelids to stay open.

Unforgettable ice breaker game with Becky... my nose became very familiar with her naval! ;)

A few of my PhxOne favs!

The PhxOne crew!

6/400 of us came from Sun Valley! We need to step up our game next year... Simply had to share, and now I say goodnight!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Nothing to say. Which means, I'll blog.

Ah! I am just dying to write.

I have neatly bottled up every thought, experience, memory, and nostalgic moment from the past two weeks and have been UNABLE to write them down... thank you missing journal (*cough* BRIAUNA HOYT *cough* ;).

Tonight, with my brother love in the room beside me, I am feeling like the aforementioned are about to overflow from my little bottle. And make my eyes leak. Neither are my fav.

Writing is essential, but what do I have to say?

A whole lot of nothing, I'm afraid.

I've been withdrawn this week. As if my subconscious is aware of the separation that will occur tomorrow, that needs to occur tomorrow (wedding day).

In March, a family friend of mine inquired about my relationship with Kevin. He asked if our relationship was unhealthy. "Unhealthy?" I thought to myself "well you clearly don't know us." But as I got to thinking about it, maybe he was on to something.

Family is forever, and of that I am sure. Kevin's involvement, his presence in my life, has always been a given, always assumed. I was never a choice, more like a natural extension.

What will our relationship look like now that he is intentionally choosing to spend forever with someone else? -Pause: I'm thinking out loud here. No answers or obvious conclusion have been reached. No guilt or weirdness is meant if (or shall I say... when) Kev reads this-

What should our relationship look like now that he is incorporating someone into the family?

How involved is too involved, how close is too close? Where do I need to place myself in the relationship to be showing love, but not overstepping the sisterly boundaries?

Like I said, much to stew on. Even more word vomit to eject onto paper.

I haven't reached conclusions. Heck, I haven't even begun to process the changes my life will be incurring in the weeks ahead.

I need solitude time. But not really. When has being alone with yourself EVER been the answer? I need Jesus time.

Time to be reassured of my belongingness to Him. To sit and be still and QUIET. To be intentional in listening, posturing my soul to be receptive to the very whisper of God. Surely the answer is not found in myself, in quiet time with me, it is found in Him.

May my heart forever be in Him and as a result, may He always be my treasure. May I look to change with a smile and confidence, and may I welcome on the adversities that accompany it. May my love always go free, may it never be manipulative, and may it always be liberating. May I be Your weeping prophet and learn to sow seeds with each tear.

I'm just about done.

Lord, empty this well of myself... one. bucket. at. a. time. May You empty it of me, pour it out, patch me up and always refill me with the seal of Your Spirit. May You run deep within me, and overflow for the sake of Your people -- that they might come to know you through me. This is my desire.


Rehearsal day -- before our facials, hair appts and nails!

Hannah and Olivia!

The lovely Mrs!

After the time at the spa AND before the rehearsal...

My fav photo of the night.

Oh em gee myspace :D

Walking into dinner, trying not to die in the puddles and 4inch heels.

Yes, I like him.

Baby love!

We picked my baby cuz up from the airport this am and hit up Liberty for coffee and scones!

The new addition to Holidays, special days, heck any days. Welcome Jones fam, we are lucky to be joining forces with you!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Nothing by accident.

Mmm so today, I had an interview. It went well :)

Tonight, when I came home, I read today's devotional from Streams in the Desert -- a book that my sweet Aunt sent me as a grad gift -- Are you ready for this??

Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till next steps made plain shall be;
To hear, with the inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.

Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master is pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.

Waiting! Expectantly waiting!
Perhaps it may be today
The Master will quickly open
The gate to my future way.

Waiting! Yes, waiting! Still waiting!
I know, though I've been waited long,
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong.

Waiting! Yes, waiting! Still waiting...
The Master will not be late:
He knows that I am waiting
For Him to unlatch the gate.

J. Danson Smith

I love it when God seals and sends you a piece of goodness that just feeds your soul -- that meets you right where you're at.

Wedding week!


I may or may not have called this one out of school on Monday and taken her to lunch ;)

Trinket {love}

After having 100 people over for pancaaaakes and BEFORE a ladies night!

Bridal Party... more like a Bachelorette Party!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Oh snaps...

I have *officially* graduated!!!!!!!

I don't really have much to say, like at all.

I have been quiet most all of today, just soaking things in; totally content in the present moment. Great is God's faithfulness in my life. I am excited for the weeks to come and am spending my days just living in the freedom of Jesus.

It is exhilarating. Really, seriously.

Maybe I will have something profound to share soon. Today, I just feel like my spirit is in a holding pattern, groaning for something that I have yet to identify. Maybe I will know it when I see it? Maybe I won't. Either way, I am a-o-kay with where I am at, with where He has me.

Oh but I love him.
The lovely Lexy!
Two of my favs :)
Grad pancake brunch!
Oh em gee, I really did it!

My freaking heart.
Lovely padres, I wouldn't be where I am today if I weren't standing on their shoulders.
Walking into the ceremony.... only 3 hours nbd ;)
Beforehand... couldn't wait to get RID of le hat!
Ah! kjabetrjbxidf! That was how we were feeling right about then.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Bass Ackwards

Best way to spend a Friday night...

At Liberty, playing cards with a few of my favs (Aaron, Evan, Klint)!

I woke up from my nap today without the recollection of a dream, but with a phrase and a thought burned into my consciousness.

I am the vine. You (and you too!) are the branches.

Have you been seeking fulfillment? Have you been eating the fruit from your own tree or your neighbors, hoping to find the thing that satisfies? I'm afraid we've got it backwards, folks!

What you are looking for cannot be found in the fruit; that will only make your tummy sick and leave your soul still searching. What you are craving is found by taping into the vine, not the extension of the branch. Follow a source back to it's start and it is there, in the love of the Father, that you will find what you are looking for. The fulfillment you desire can be met in full by the Father and from that place of contentment, peace, your branches will bear more fruit than you can hardly stand. It will be ridiculous. :)


Saturday morning brought with it a lovely Wedding Shower for Ellie :)

Hosted by the generous English ladies!

Ellie and her momma, Nancy.

Oh my goodness, Bride's chair!

I like her a lot.

And I ended with a night of celebration -- only this time, it was to the cessation of nursing school! These people are precious, each one is dear to me.