Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Home-sick. Home-stretch.

As of late, I have been home-sick. I have come to the conclusion that this world does not hold my soul. Nor my mind, nor my heart. They are in a different place, they are with Jesus. And I'm finding myself frustrated at my feet -- they are still here, still present on this earth -- The only thing left of me that is present on this earth.

I've been thinking lately about hope. I've found myself placing hope in people -- which is just plain silly. People will let you down. People will hurt you. Like it or not, I will, someday, hurt you. I apologize now. I will likely say something stupid (that happens a lot -- it's kind of a dominant gene in the Lassiter gene pool), or do something stupid that will cut. Like I said, I am so sorry. I truly apologize. Thinking of that, makes my heart hurt and an offense hasn't even been charged. Today, I realized that hope in humans is disappointing, but that hope in Jesus is life. I have placed my hope in the one who will not let me down. In the one who holds my heart, and treats it with care -- He knows its fragile state. He continues to exceed my expectations, and he will never ever hurt me. I am safe in Him, and more than that, I have life in my being because of Him. Him who loves me. That is pretty powerful, and makes me long to be with Him even more.

On Saturday, I was thinking about the privilege of worship. I, as a mere creation, am able to sing praises to my creator. To thank Him, and bestow on Him honor and glory and surrender. Beautiful surrender in return for His spirit -- my life. What an honor! It made me think of playdough. Many a times I have made stick figured humans out of that colorful goop. How cool would it be if that (my creation) in turn saw its true beauty, and value in the one who created it? Worshiping God -- thanking Him for making me beautiful, for seeing me as beautiful, for revealing to my heart its true beauty -- is a really amazing experience. The word amazing just isn't enough.

I am ready. So ready to be with Jesus, to bestow praise to Him endlessly. My song of praise for Him has been started on this earth, but will only intensify when I leave. When I am gone, I will join a mighty chorus singing Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come. Not only will I have the privilege of washing His feet, but as His child, I cannot wait to climb on His lap and have Him hold me. To be securely embraced by Him -- the only one who holds my heart -- this is what I am waiting for, and everything else pales in comparison to that. Today, I realized that I am in the home-stretch. I am just counting down the time until my happily ever after -- the ending to my love story where tears and hurt will not follow. The ending where I will be restored to my creator and be wholly complete in Him. This gives me hope. This is worthy of hope. He is worthy of hope. He raised the sun for you this morning. He raised His Son for you 2000 years ago. That's more than any friend or lover ever could accomplish.

May you stop placing hope in things that will hurt you -- in people that will let you down, and may you find you hope in your creator. May you be empowered by His spirit during this beautiful countdown of time and may you find others to join in your song of praise. May you seek out those who currently aren't promised a happily ever after, and may you let the light of Jesus shine and catch heart in their hearts. May you bring others home with you, and may we all join in unison with a song of sweet adoration for Jesus. Headed onward, headed homeward. Will you join me?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Never ever ever....

This morning, before I cracked open Isaiah, I had a few thoughts running through my head. I started forming a mental "I've never list" So, I decided to jot them down for you to read :) I hope you are as entertained as I was! My hope is to cross off all of the things on this list (except for #13) and to make some awesome memories in the process :)

I've never:

1) Gone backpacking

2) Gone on a mission trip

3) Saved someone's life

4) Owned a cow (I'm really excited to cross this one off!)

5) Seen New York

6) Been on a cross country road trip

7) Been overseas

8) Seen the play Wicked

9) Been snowboarding

10) Been on a "real" date with a guy

11) Been in a wedding

12) Pulled an all nighter

13) Broken a bone

14) Said I love you without meaning it (I don't wish to cross this one off either...)

15) Been baptized in the Holy Spirit

16) Been Bungee jumping

17) Read the newspaper all the way through

18) Taken dancing lessons

19) Been kissed (and no, Chad Morris doesn't count, I was 3)

20) Run more than 3 miles

21) Cried while watching a chick flick (I suppose I should cross this one off sometime just to affirm the fact that I am indeed a female :p)

22) Read through the entire Bible

23) Laughed so hard that I've lost control of my bladder

24) Planted and cultivated my own successful garden

25) Changed a tire

That's about all I can think of :) I hope you enjoyed a small snipit into my little life and maybe we can make some of these memories together! Otay, I'm off... time to hike :D

Friday, June 5, 2009


For the past week (ever since Sunday -- and especially since my last blog entry), I've been grappling with the idea of living my life with Jesus as my all in all. What does that look like? How do I (daily) make Him the sum of me? My desire is to amount to nothing on my own, but that my sum total would be Jesus. My desire is for Him to be my everything. I feel like He has been my everything, but I want more. I want Him to be more than my everything. Does this make sense?

So yeah, all week long I've been praying "God what should my life look like? How can I infinitely make you my everything? How can You be my entirety every day of my life?" And it wasn't until today that I heard my answer. You see, this week, I've run through my Christian check list... devotions *check* loving others *check* communicate with God through prayer which is possible because of Jesus *check* But I found myself getting caught up in the "actions." At the end of the day, if I don't do any of those, I know that God loves me just the same, and that my status before Him --as righteous-- hasn't changed, but I wouldn't feel like my life had amounted to Him that day. That my day had been wholly for Jesus. I say that I want to abide in Jesus but what does that look like? I say that I want Him to be my life and breath and everything but what does that look like? I'm not desiring to get caught up in actions or rituals, but I just have this burning desire to live completely for Him... and then my head comes out of the clouds and I see that my feet are still here on this earth. Fail. :) How do I live fully for you Jesus while I'm still here?

I was taking a lovely nap today after watching 2 adorable kids, and while I was sleeping the spirit spoke to me. *Think what you wish... but I believe in a God who is alive and through His spirit, active* He told me "Kelly, I am the song that you sing when you're joyful, I am the blood that pumps through your veins every second of the day, I am the smile on your face when you are happy, I am the tears on your cheek when you are sad. You are desiring to labor to put me as your everything, but I already am. I am your life, I am your breath, and I am your everything -- your desire for Me is proof."

Needless to say, I woke up with a smile on my face :) I've realized today, that I don't need to try to put Him as my everything, but that I am called to sacrifice myself, and be willing and eager to have Him be my all in all, and it is His joy to fulfill that desire. My part was giving up all of me, and His part is to supply me with all of Him. How beautiful is that? Seriously, my eyes are filled with tears. God is just so great. Living out my life, through singing, breathing, smiling, crying, loving, is what I am here for, and in the midst of those earthly things, He is my everything. I am not only satisfied in Him, but the cup of my heart is spilling over. Because of Him, I am liberated and comforted. Thanks be to Jesus who paid for me, and saw me as beautiful even when I was stained, and who enables me to live out life with God as my all. I stand in awe.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

All: wholly, entirely, completely.

Hii! I just got back from swimming and I'm soaking wet :) Oh, and I just ate some chips too. While I was munching, I began reflecting on this past weekend, and I decided to share my thoughts with whoever cares to read them :) On Sunday, I attended a new church for the second week in a row now. This church is vastly different from the church I am coming from, but enjoyable nevertheless! During worship on Sunday, the band played a song called "Jesus paid it all". The lyrics go like this...

I hear the Savior say,
Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet

I love this song. Really, seriously, love this song. During worship on Sunday, I was singing this song and felt the Spirit of God asking me "Child of weakness, do you find in me thine all and all?" Guilty, I stood before Him quiet and still. Reflecting on my life, it occurred to me that I haven't been finding my all in all in Him.

Lately, I've been finding *most* of my life -my identity, my purpose- in Him, but when it came to little things like my future, the desires of my heart, my dreams and aspirations, I was still placing part of me in those uncertain things. This realization grieved me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that, in recent life, Jesus hasn't been my last thought before I fall into slumber, He hasn't been my first thought when I roll out of bed, and he's only occupied a small portion of my thoughts in between. How tragic is that?

Jesus paid it all, for me. I am now complete in Him, and I can proudly wear His righteousness. My status as righteous in God's eyes is not because of my own merits, but because of Jesus'. He came and illustrated His love for me, through the sacrifice of His life, and in return I'm giving Him my leftovers?! I'm serving leftovers to a holy God. What is wrong with me? After surrendering all other distractions in my life during worship on Sunday, God grabbed a hold of my heart yet again and spoke to me saying "Child, again your eyes are fixed on me. My desire is to be your all in all." And since then, He has been. I am not only content, but satisfied with allowing Him to be my everything. At the end of the day, everything around me can burn and fade to dust, and with this, lose it's value, but I want my life -- my sum total -- to be Jesus. May He not only be my portion but my everything. May all that I am, amount to Him.

May you come to relinquish control of the things in your life that you hold dear. May God not be another item, that is high on your "love list" (next to your family, or work, or tacos) but may He have center stage in your heart and may everything else in your life lose its value compared to Him. May He complete you, and may your eyes, and your heart be wholly focused on Him. All to Him I owe <3 Kel