Wonderfully Life.: Nothing to say. Which means, I'll blog.

Ah! I am just dying to write.

I have neatly bottled up every thought, experience, memory, and nostalgic moment from the past two weeks and have been UNABLE to write them down... thank you missing journal (*cough* BRIAUNA HOYT *cough* ;).

Tonight, with my brother love in the room beside me, I am feeling like the aforementioned are about to overflow from my little bottle. And make my eyes leak. Neither are my fav.

Writing is essential, but what do I have to say?

A whole lot of nothing, I'm afraid.

I've been withdrawn this week. As if my subconscious is aware of the separation that will occur tomorrow, that needs to occur tomorrow (wedding day).

In March, a family friend of mine inquired about my relationship with Kevin. He asked if our relationship was unhealthy. "Unhealthy?" I thought to myself "well you clearly don't know us." But as I got to thinking about it, maybe he was on to something.

Family is forever, and of that I am sure. Kevin's involvement, his presence in my life, has always been a given, always assumed. I was never a choice, more like a natural extension.

What will our relationship look like now that he is intentionally choosing to spend forever with someone else? -Pause: I'm thinking out loud here. No answers or obvious conclusion have been reached. No guilt or weirdness is meant if (or shall I say... when) Kev reads this-

What should our relationship look like now that he is incorporating someone into the family?

How involved is too involved, how close is too close? Where do I need to place myself in the relationship to be showing love, but not overstepping the sisterly boundaries?

Like I said, much to stew on. Even more word vomit to eject onto paper.

I haven't reached conclusions. Heck, I haven't even begun to process the changes my life will be incurring in the weeks ahead.

I need solitude time. But not really. When has being alone with yourself EVER been the answer? I need Jesus time.

Time to be reassured of my belongingness to Him. To sit and be still and QUIET. To be intentional in listening, posturing my soul to be receptive to the very whisper of God. Surely the answer is not found in myself, in quiet time with me, it is found in Him.

May my heart forever be in Him and as a result, may He always be my treasure. May I look to change with a smile and confidence, and may I welcome on the adversities that accompany it. May my love always go free, may it never be manipulative, and may it always be liberating. May I be Your weeping prophet and learn to sow seeds with each tear.

I'm just about done.

Lord, empty this well of myself... one. bucket. at. a. time. May You empty it of me, pour it out, patch me up and always refill me with the seal of Your Spirit. May You run deep within me, and overflow for the sake of Your people -- that they might come to know you through me. This is my desire.

{heart}
Kel