Holding your hands.
Letting unabated tears roll off of cheeks your cheeks and mine.
Fighting the urge to dry them and cheapen them as weakness.
Allowing tears to represent the same tenderness that beckoned them.
I work in an Intensive Care Unit.
On a weekly basis, I suffer from compassion fatigue.
On a monthly basis I am gifted with few human connections that remind me why I do, what I do.
Our eyes meet and yours are searching.
Looking for answers, craving for hope, pleading for a miracle.
Overwhelmed with a grim prognosis.
I have no words.
You can see in my eyes that I am bankrupt for answers.
You squeeze my hands tighter.
And The Spirit intervenes.
Filling me with His compassion and truth.
I am reminded that we have already received our miracle.
Our miracle came 2,000 years ago in the form of Jesus.
He came and died that we might be free.
He has reserved for us a seat at The Father's table.
And died so that we might live and live eternally.
We are here, begging for healing and a happy ending.
But in Your kindness, You foresaw our needs, and met them in Jesus.
Our desperation redirects its focus.
Together now, we ask that the Shalom of Jesus bask the lives of the loved ones.
Those who are left behind.
We ask for strength to move on.
Restoration for the empty places that are void of loved ones.
Courage to say {and mean} Your will be done.
You are a kind Father, my heart is well acquainted with Your faithfulness.
Xo
Kel
*Updates to come. It feels like an eternity since I've been on here.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
A kind revelation.
 |
| {Meet my dog, Bam!} |
My daughter wake up
Stand. Rise.
Leave that which is weighing you down.
I say, Be Not Afraid.
Will you trust?
Your eyes ares are open, your heart is feelings closed.
Return to me again.
For you are free.
Freed not only from your past, but freed from the fears of your future failure.
Engage not in the bondage of that which you have done or could do.
Accept my invitation to be free from yourself, in the present moment.
One blood, red atoned white, has released you.
It is sufficient.
I say, this day, that My Blood is enough.
Will you trust?
I have opened the bedraggled gate to the cage that is you.
I have bridged the distance from fallen to holy.
I invite you now to come.
Tarry not my beloved.
Accept the wholeness of my blood offering.
Be free, be You, be with Me.
-Father
Thankful for the warmth of His weighty presence.
{heart}
Kel
Monday, July 23, 2012
Searching for purpose.
{The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out. Proverbs 20.5}
Searching for vision.
Striving for purpose.
I'm broadsided by Your grace.
Taken captive by Your mercy, once again.
The heart of this daughter is not unfamiliar to You.
You know it, and its wayward fibers, well.
How I must remind You of a story, dating many years back.
Of a person, a people, searching for purpose in things, other than You.
A people, wanting the fruit of Your hands, but uninterested in seeking Your heart.
A people assured of Your goodness, but unwilling to give of themselves for Your riches.
A desert.
Many rescue stories.
A path marked with fire.
You led them one step at a time.
One foot infront of the other.
You did not disclose the end point.
You longed for their presence in the present.
What if my story, is like that of my forefathers?
What if Your intervention remained the same?
What if my destination was found in You?
What if my heart sought Yours and found its purpose therein?
What if I accepted the free love of Jesus?
What if I stopped living like His love was cheap?
What if righteousness was a way of living, and trust was my first instinct?
What if my eyes were so set on You, that the world could not adulterate them?
What if my thirst for purpose was overcome by my hunger for You?
What if my knee took its place and my desires bowed with it?
You do not offer me a guilt trip.
My heart knows Your mercy full well.
Your hand is outstretched to my weary heart.
You say...
"My daughter, come and drink.
The cup that I offer you is far from wrath.
It is righteousness in the blood Jesus."
You have been waiting for Your purpose and I have been waiting for You to discover that You purpose is Me.
I am undone.
{heart}
Kel
FL Update!
-Work is going well. I have a fab preceptor, have had the chance to play with medications that used to be "off limits" for me, and the culture of the hospital is wonderful. People are receptive to new ideas, well educated, and are always striving to do better. I has made for a great learning medium.
-Haven't made a final decision, but I'm fairly sure that I've found a church. Next step: get plugged in!
-The core community that I have here is small, but I am so thankful for each and every one of them. It has taken a while to adjust to the lack of key people in my life, but I'm starting to branch out and move forward. I still miss the hell out of people back home.
-It feels Southern here. A culture steeped in tradition. The sweet tea is as thick as maple syrup. The day to day pace is slow. And I've already began calling everyone "Ma'am" and "Sir". Above all, I feel like there are still racial undertones here, which has come as a surprise to me -- perhaps it was my naivety, but I didn't see (or hear) much of that in AZ. Churches are different too. Emphasis on "religion".
-I love the fact that I can be outside at any point in the day and not feel like death from the scorching heat! Last week, we went on a hunt for gators and found a handful of them laying out on the banks of a swamp! The people here are kind. Most take a sincere interest in you and are willing to stop whatever they're doing and talk/help. It is refreshing! I may or may not have spent an additional 20mins at the bank conversing with the tellers about Gville and life back home in AZ and churches to try ;)
-I've gotten back into the swing of working out! Running, rollerblading, walking the loop, lifting weights, and circuit training! So much fun. The family that I live with is very active and include me in their daily workouts -- so fun!
-I'm moving into a home with 2 other girls next month. I'm looking forward to the start of something new, but will sorely miss the family I live with now. They are so warm, have made me feel like I belong in their fam, and have provided a safe place for me to stay. It has made for a smooth transition to Gainesville.
Searching for vision.
Striving for purpose.
I'm broadsided by Your grace.
Taken captive by Your mercy, once again.
The heart of this daughter is not unfamiliar to You.
You know it, and its wayward fibers, well.
How I must remind You of a story, dating many years back.
Of a person, a people, searching for purpose in things, other than You.
A people, wanting the fruit of Your hands, but uninterested in seeking Your heart.
A people assured of Your goodness, but unwilling to give of themselves for Your riches.
A desert.
Many rescue stories.
A path marked with fire.
You led them one step at a time.
One foot infront of the other.
You did not disclose the end point.
You longed for their presence in the present.
What if my story, is like that of my forefathers?
What if Your intervention remained the same?
What if my destination was found in You?
What if my heart sought Yours and found its purpose therein?
What if I accepted the free love of Jesus?
What if I stopped living like His love was cheap?
What if righteousness was a way of living, and trust was my first instinct?
What if my eyes were so set on You, that the world could not adulterate them?
What if my thirst for purpose was overcome by my hunger for You?
What if my knee took its place and my desires bowed with it?
You do not offer me a guilt trip.
My heart knows Your mercy full well.
Your hand is outstretched to my weary heart.
You say...
"My daughter, come and drink.
The cup that I offer you is far from wrath.
It is righteousness in the blood Jesus."
You have been waiting for Your purpose and I have been waiting for You to discover that You purpose is Me.
I am undone.
{heart}
Kel
 |
| {I've made some equine friends here :) Don't you just want to kiss him? SO sweet!} |
FL Update!
-Work is going well. I have a fab preceptor, have had the chance to play with medications that used to be "off limits" for me, and the culture of the hospital is wonderful. People are receptive to new ideas, well educated, and are always striving to do better. I has made for a great learning medium.
-Haven't made a final decision, but I'm fairly sure that I've found a church. Next step: get plugged in!
-The core community that I have here is small, but I am so thankful for each and every one of them. It has taken a while to adjust to the lack of key people in my life, but I'm starting to branch out and move forward. I still miss the hell out of people back home.
-It feels Southern here. A culture steeped in tradition. The sweet tea is as thick as maple syrup. The day to day pace is slow. And I've already began calling everyone "Ma'am" and "Sir". Above all, I feel like there are still racial undertones here, which has come as a surprise to me -- perhaps it was my naivety, but I didn't see (or hear) much of that in AZ. Churches are different too. Emphasis on "religion".
-I love the fact that I can be outside at any point in the day and not feel like death from the scorching heat! Last week, we went on a hunt for gators and found a handful of them laying out on the banks of a swamp! The people here are kind. Most take a sincere interest in you and are willing to stop whatever they're doing and talk/help. It is refreshing! I may or may not have spent an additional 20mins at the bank conversing with the tellers about Gville and life back home in AZ and churches to try ;)
 |
| {Safety first} |
-I'm moving into a home with 2 other girls next month. I'm looking forward to the start of something new, but will sorely miss the family I live with now. They are so warm, have made me feel like I belong in their fam, and have provided a safe place for me to stay. It has made for a smooth transition to Gainesville.
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