Sunday, October 18, 2009
My mind's jibberish...
What do buffet lines, persecution, and pigs have in common? They've all been running through my mind today :)
Thought #1 occurred to me while I was worshiping. What songs we were singing, I haven't a clue. But of this I am sure, God speaks to those who are eager to listen. Worship today wasn't so much an opportunity for me to sing at God, it was an opportunity for me to be quiet and still before Him. In the process of doing so, He revealed a mental picture to me that was quite profound... at least I happen to think so!
The picture was of a buffet line in front of me, and a full plate. Allow me to explain, on my plate I had a vast number of various kinds of things (all good things might I add). My main dish represented God, and then I had several side dishes that each represented something good in my life. Be it relationships, nursing school, caring for and loving on others, encouraging others, serving, my dreams at night, the aspirations and desires of my heart (like working in South Africa); they were all present on my plate, and all complimented the main course. As this picture continued, my plate was cleared of everything but the main course. By this, I felt like God was asking me to stop devoting portions of my time, effort, hope, and energy into these beautiful things, and to focus and devote my everything to Him. He longs to be the only thing I hunger for. He desires to satiate my hunger, and to satisfy me like none other. He wishes to be my portion. He is my gracious reward. The lesson that I learned from this morning (and will likely be re-learning throughout the course of my life) is this: that God doesn't want to be a large part of my meal, He wants to be my everything. In being my everything, all else will fall into place as an outward expression of my inward devotion to Him.
Thought #2 occurred to me this morning right as I was waking up (from an awful dream might I add! :\ ). Have you ever felt homesick? I mean the kind of homesick where you're ready to be done with this life and move onto the next where you'll be securely with your Father, and away from evil and all its remnants? Yah, that was most definitely my weekend this weekend. My prayer was "can I just be with You? Physically? Can You just come down and rescue me? Can you take me far far away from here and can I rest in Your embrace forever more?" This morning I woke up to the radio, and after praying those prayers all day yesterday, and meditating on those thoughts, I woke up to a man talking about the purpose of Jesus. His point was that Jesus' purpose for coming was not to make our load easier, or to rescue us from our circumstances or afflictions. His purpose is to offer us hope in the midst of trails, and perseverance in our times of persecution.
This got me thinking... Jesus never said that following Him would be rainbows and unicorns. He said that following Him would entail picking up a cross and consciously welcoming persecution. He did, however, promise never to leave us or forsake us, and He reconciled us to the one, true, and living God. What joy that put in my heart today! Gone are the days of praying for rescue, and present are the days I'll spend asking for perseverance through suffering, and hope in a world that says we're hopeless. Here are the days when I will be longing for His righteousness and be seen as righteous, even amongst the evil I live in, because of the blood of Jesus washed me clean and redeemed my soul. Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee.
How great Thou art, how great Thou art.
Thought #3 began churning on my way home from visiting my horsey loves. I decided that I am ready to nest. No, not in the typical domestic sense (sorry mom)... I could care less what my house looked like (give me a tent and I'd be quite happy), I'm just ready to start my own farm. I miss not having my horses near, and within convenient kissing range, and I miss playing tag with my goats, and scratching them on the shoulder till their ears went flat, and their eyes glazed over. I also want a puppy (I saw 2 really really cute ones today), a mini burro (and not from Filly B's, I mean a real living, breathing, adorably loving one), a cow -- like the 3 that I adopted down the street (Boots, Bitsy, and HowNow -- she's a brown cow), and I want a baby pig. Not like an ugly pig, but like the 2 cute little Wilbur pigs I saw today at the place where my horses are. They were babies, and were crying for attention (huh animals do that too eh?), and so I went over and they rubbed their snouts on my hand and it tickled. Yeah, I'm ready for a farm. Okay, that's all! I really should have spent this time studying, but I just couldn't resist! <3 Kel