Mountain of Death

I hiked a mountain this weekend :) No. Not just any old mountain. I hiked the Mountain of Death this weekend! You may have heard it called by its former name: The Flatiron, a hike in the Superstitions, but for the sake of my blog I have renamed it.

On Saturday morning, Kevin and I picked up our handy dandy friend Ryan (who should be renamed -mountain goat- for the sake of this blog because he scales rock like no one's business!) and decided to go hiking. We arrived at the trail head around 10:30 and started our hike. The first hour took us to the base of the Mountain of Death and it was here that Kevin tapped out. He felt *sick* Mhmm. Sure. Moving on, Ryan and I decided to go "a little bit further" and told Kevin that we'd be back for him in 30 mins. 30 mins later, we were still hiking UP and a friendly old man said that we were doing great and only about an hour from the top. With that in mind, I grinned and asked Ryan if he thought Kevin would mind... He said Nahh. :) So we proceeded to climb the Mountain of Death (MOD) without informing my poor invalid brother. Ha.

While I was climbing up the MOD, and trying not to die, *side note -- not dying seems to be the underlying theme of my life. huh. imagine that.* I came up with my own Cheesy-Fireside-Analogy (CFA as I so lovingly call it. It's a Hume Lakeism and if you haven't heard me talk about Hume, ask me because it has had a profound impact on my life!). Okay are you ready for my CFA? Life is like a mountain. Allow me to explain.

While I was hiking on Saturday, I realized that I tend to look at my feet 98% of the time. Yes, this is a good thing. Especially if I'm trying not to die on the MOD, but rarely ever would I pause to look at the beauty around me. Also, while I was looking at my feet and plotting my next step I couldn't help but think that I was never going to make it to the top. My thoughts were consumed with the difficulty of the task at hand and I really didn't have the final goal in mind. In life, I think that this concept is also applicable. In the middle of a trial, all I think about is the trial I'm facing. I never stop and consider the "big picture." And I certainly tend to overlook the beautiful work God is doing in the lives around me. I tend to think that life as I know it will never get better. Never improve. Often times, I feel like I'm never going to make it, and I lose sight of my goal.

Life is like a mountain. It is hard. But as a believer, I should come to expect an upward climb all the way. Every step might be plagued with doubt and difficulty, but I have to press on and strain to keep the final goal in mind. Jesus came not to make my hike easier, but to offer hope of reaching the top. Hope of being successful in my adventure. Speaking for myself, I am living for Jesus. Life with Him is my final goal. I might feel like giving up, or perhaps think that I will never make it to the top, but the truth is, that He has died for me so that I can be successful. I find comfort in knowing that I will make it to the top. Weak and weary, I will make it to the top. Tired and spent, I will make it to the top. Broken and hurting, I will make it to the top. Sinful and shamed, I will make it to the top. Not because of my own strength or accomplishments, but because of His. Life is like a mountain :)

To finish my story, Ryan and I made it to the top and it was incredible! It was quite the accomplishment. After potty breaks, shaky legs, fatty hands, an invalid brother and a rattlesnake, we made it back down to the parking lot and danced for joy. On Sunday, I woke up and felt like dying. Everything on me hurt and wished to be buried all thanks to the Mountain of Death.

"By Your Side"
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

May you come to expect a steep hike in life, and not be discouraged when it manifests. And may your gaze be upward and heart press onward towards the goal of being with Jesus.

Epiphany

Hokay. So... I wanted to share the epiphany that I had at the beginning of this week...

First let my start off by saying that I was super excited to start this blog, and was trying to find the right word to describe what had occurred to me this week and I thought "Hmmm.... (that's me thinking) EPIPHANY! Yay I got it, that's the perfect word to describe what occurred to me this week!" *Epiphany as defined by dictionary.com: is an intuitive perception -- just in case you were wondering.* Then, I re-read over my previous blog entries and discovered that I've used that word in both of my previous entries. So much for being original with my word choices! Fail. Epiphany epiphany epiphany epiphany. Okay, I'm done. Moving on. :)

This past Tuesday I was home alone and decided to go rollerblading and soak up all of the gorgeousness from outside. While I was out on my adventure, I was reflecting on all of the different relationships in my life. Family and friends. Acquaintances and strangers. I was thinking about everyone that I have ever carried on my heart, and thinking about the people that I currently carry on my heart. After spending a decent amount of time shuffling through all of the different lives and faces of those that I love, I had an epiphany (my new word of the week -- I just decided). Are you ready for this? Bear with me... it might sound uber cheesy or just plain odd, but that's me for ya!

Okay, so in the context of relationships, I run a heart hospital. I feel as if God is the doctor -- He preps people (by way of His Spirit), opens people up, removes the nasty stuff from within them, mends the broken, and heals the hurting. I am the nurse (shocker I know :) -- I care for the people inside of the hospital and I administer "the meds." The medication of course is love. The love is prescribed by and supplied by the Doctor (aka: God). Told you it was odd and cheesy!
But in all seriousness, I wake up every morning excited. The desire of my heart is that I may be sensitive to God's spirit that day, and that I may care for and administer love to everyone that He ushers into my hospital :) The world is so big, and I am just one person, but with the love that He has placed in my heart, I feel like I could move mountains. The love that dwells in me is definitely not from me. It is so much bigger than me. Love is just prevalent in my heart and that isn't because of anything I do, it's because of what He has done for me. My daily purpose is to love others -- more than myself, and I view each and every day as a new opportunity to love. To love with all that I am. My dear friends and family are definitely permanent patients in my heart hospital, but aside from them, I never know who might just walk into my triage today, and that is exciting! As cheesy as this epiphany is, it makes so much sense to me. God is so grand, and I am proud to say (and take comfort in knowing) that I am a permanent patient in His heart hospital. Aside from him my doors would be closed for business and I myself would be lost and broken. Aside from Him I would have no hope of redemption. But with Him, I know life and fullness of life. Because of His love for me I have been made whole, and have been reconciled to Him. His love for me is strong. His love you for is strong. His love is strong.

Jon Foreman lyrics <3>

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

May you come to know that His love for you is strong, and may you allow His love to fiercely pour through you into the lives' of others.

Love

Ha. Love. The one little world that causes my world to remain in orbit. Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking why do I search for and seek out love and adoration from man, when I have all I need in Jesus?



Let me back up... Last year was the best year of my life. Yes, it was the hardest, roughest, toughest, most difficult year I've ever expereienced, yet it was the most rewarding, joyful and best year of my rather short life thus far! Last year, my New Years Resolution was to be satisfied daily with Jesus' love for me. And I was! Everyday His love for me was evident and my mission and purpose in life was to love Him and bring Him glory with my whole being. In loving Him, He gave me a heart for others' and unending joy. A few weeks back, I woke up one day and realized that something was off. Something was different. Something had gone wrong. I wasn't sure what it was, so I began to pray.



Through prayer and self reflection time, I realized that sometime last fall my heart's priorities had shifted. Somehow, I lost sight of the true reason I was living. Sometime over the winter break -- without even knowing it, my love for Jesus, and my pursuit of Him turned into a love of myself and a pursuit of the things which I desired most. Helloo Kelly. No wonder things felt so off! So last week, when this ephiphany occured to me, I was penitent (I just learned a new word thanks to dictionary.com! How exciting!! :) -- rather I began expressing sorrow over my sin. My sin grieved me. God loves me so much that He sent Jesus to come to earth, and die for me -- to illustrate His perfect love for me and in return, my heart wanders and I become self centered? Sad.



After repenting and re-fixing my eyes and whole heart on Jesus, I realized that I am the prodigal son. My heart (somehow -- without my mind really knowing it) went astray and pursued earthly love, why? was the clear question I was left with. Man's love is fleeting. God's love is steadfast. Man's love is decietful, it offers no satisfaction. God's love is life and wholeness of life.

So yeah, Jesus holds my heart. At His feet, in His presence I find my rest. He is my portion -- He is all that I need. In Him my heart is satisfied. My purpose in life is to make Him look good and to praise Him with all that I am. Thank you God for loving me! In my brokeness, you pick up the ugly pieces and craft my life into something beautiful. I give you all that I am -- every single piece of me and wish to thank you for loving me. For being my rock and my salvation. For welcoming this wayward heart back home, with warm and open arms. For holding my heart captive. May you never let it go.



Father I love you. May my heart and eyes be eternally fixed on You. May You continue to be my portion, and to satisfy my soul. All that I am, I give to You. May You empty me of me and fill me with You. May Your spirit dwell in me until I see You face to face. May You use me and my life to bring You glory. Thank You for loving me, for loving me fierecly. May Your love occupy my heart and may You use me to demonstrate Your love to others. I love You.
Your child says Amen.