Ha. Love. The one little world that causes my world to remain in orbit. Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking why do I search for and seek out love and adoration from man, when I have all I need in Jesus?
Let me back up... Last year was the best year of my life. Yes, it was the hardest, roughest, toughest, most difficult year I've ever expereienced, yet it was the most rewarding, joyful and best year of my rather short life thus far! Last year, my New Years Resolution was to be satisfied daily with Jesus' love for me. And I was! Everyday His love for me was evident and my mission and purpose in life was to love Him and bring Him glory with my whole being. In loving Him, He gave me a heart for others' and unending joy. A few weeks back, I woke up one day and realized that something was off. Something was different. Something had gone wrong. I wasn't sure what it was, so I began to pray.
Through prayer and self reflection time, I realized that sometime last fall my heart's priorities had shifted. Somehow, I lost sight of the true reason I was living. Sometime over the winter break -- without even knowing it, my love for Jesus, and my pursuit of Him turned into a love of myself and a pursuit of the things which I desired most. Helloo Kelly. No wonder things felt so off! So last week, when this ephiphany occured to me, I was penitent (I just learned a new word thanks to dictionary.com! How exciting!! :) -- rather I began expressing sorrow over my sin. My sin grieved me. God loves me so much that He sent Jesus to come to earth, and die for me -- to illustrate His perfect love for me and in return, my heart wanders and I become self centered? Sad.
After repenting and re-fixing my eyes and whole heart on Jesus, I realized that I am the prodigal son. My heart (somehow -- without my mind really knowing it) went astray and pursued earthly love, why? was the clear question I was left with. Man's love is fleeting. God's love is steadfast. Man's love is decietful, it offers no satisfaction. God's love is life and wholeness of life.
So yeah, Jesus holds my heart. At His feet, in His presence I find my rest. He is my portion -- He is all that I need. In Him my heart is satisfied. My purpose in life is to make Him look good and to praise Him with all that I am. Thank you God for loving me! In my brokeness, you pick up the ugly pieces and craft my life into something beautiful. I give you all that I am -- every single piece of me and wish to thank you for loving me. For being my rock and my salvation. For welcoming this wayward heart back home, with warm and open arms. For holding my heart captive. May you never let it go.
Father I love you. May my heart and eyes be eternally fixed on You. May You continue to be my portion, and to satisfy my soul. All that I am, I give to You. May You empty me of me and fill me with You. May Your spirit dwell in me until I see You face to face. May You use me and my life to bring You glory. Thank You for loving me, for loving me fierecly. May Your love occupy my heart and may You use me to demonstrate Your love to others. I love You.
Your child says Amen.