Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Oh what a day... What a life!

I was 30 minutes short of spending 12 hours with this kid. Meet Evan, hilarious, of course, a fighter, always. After taking my last final yesterday (*praise* I totally pulled a B in that class ~ I'm still not sure how!), I picked Evan up for a fun filled day! Evan is duking it out with cancer right now, and is scheduled to have a Stem Cell Transplant on the 18th -- a year's worth of chemo in 8 days! Join me in covering his life in prayer? Evan so kindly took me to lunch at Rosa's and I got the cheese crisp -- just like I did when I was a kid. We then migrated over to the Farrell's house, and played with ponies for a few hours. I love animals. Cody (the brown pony) even participated in a photo shoot with me -- I've included my fav :) From there, I introduced him to the goats (he was less than thrilled about their hollow eyes and poop smeared noses haha) and finally to my horses! We then hit up Poly and met up with Jazzy, I like her a lot. After almost car painting on the wrong car, we then headed to Liberty Market for dinner with Kevin and Dad, and finally to Ember (college group). It was an eventful night and ended with me making a 5 lane U-turn (man I've never laughed so hard), and crashing a man date at Klint's house. What was supposed to be dropping Evan off turned into staying, eating fruit snacks and playing a super fun ~ slightly embarrassing game!

As of late, I've been thinking a lot about relationships. 2 weeks ago, I asked Jasmine if she thought that she could ever really know somebody -- completely, wholly. She said yes. My friend Jake told me on Saturday, that every time we leave, after hanging out, he realizes that I leave knowing more about him, and he leaves knowing nothing more about me. Evan and I had the same conversation yesterday. It's funny how you can know so many detailed stories about a person, but walk away not knowing the true person. Admittedly, I would be guilty of such accusations. I might also be of the mindset that I can never fully know someone... but then I think about relationships that I've had with various people in my life, and I recall times of honesty and vulnerability and think that maybe I'm wrong. Why do I build up a wall? Likely out of fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of not being radically accepted. Fear pretty much just sums it up. It sounds so silly typing, but it's my reality nevertheless.

What I am going to do about this you might ask? Self disclosure. It's frowned upon in nursing, but I'm thinking that it might help me move past my comfort zone and expose myself to people. I suppose that hurting is part of loving. I think it would be better to love fearlessly than to be alone and untouched. I am far from perfection, but that isn't really my goal. My goal is to love like Jesus, and I'm pretty sure that His love was whole, pure and vulnerable. Such are the thoughts that have been going through my head as of late. <3 Kel

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