Walls built high, built sure.
The consummate fight for protected boundaries.
Internal space, representing the fast approaching, external distance.
As if walls could placate the true longing for intimacy.
Great walls may make for great neighbors.
But high fences are hardly for lovers.
The reflexes of the soul engage in dire times.
To fight or to flee?
Fighting is hard, requiring much.
Characterized by proactive, intentional, forward movement,
It takes you far from your walls, your self-built prison.
Fleeing requires will and swift feet.
Many bricks, even more mortar.
But there is no armor for the back.
With a facade of being safe, fleeing leaves one vulnerable, unprotected.
On the eve of good bye, with an internal choice to be made, You remind me...
That You do not build walls around Your heart.
That safety mechanisms may serve their purpose,
But they grow on a medium of isolated living.
What does it say of a life, if it is not being lived?
What does it show of a love, if the heart is incapable of being hurt?
May You lead me far from the high walls I have built around my heart.
Bring me out the captivity I have been enslaved in; the imprisonment of myself.
Drown the safety mechanisms of my flesh, until only a love that reflects Your heart, remains in me.
-I wrote this the day before I left for FL. I was having a hard time saying goodbye to the people that meant the most. I felt like I had been internally distant with those that I love for the past 6 weeks, ever since I had been offered the job, really. On the day before I left, I realized that I was not engaging my family and dear friends on a personal level, because my heart was anticipating the 2,000 mile gap that would be coming soon. I was reminded of His truth, and just in time.
-Goodbyes were more rough than anticipating, but the past few days here have truly been sweet!
-I am living with a family that already feels like my own. Their generosity has been difficult to receive (being independent isn't always a beautiful thing), but truly overwhelming. They have been grace in my life -- giving me more than I deserve.
-I finished my pre-employment physical yesterday and had my picture taken for my badge!
-I met up with some fabulous ladies on Thursday for a movie night out! Truly loved my time with them, and think that I have found a roommate/living situation for the fall!
-I've started a Beth Moore biblestudy on the book of James, I'll be able to make the first group on Tuesday!
-Orientation starts on Monday.
-The town is picturesque, the weather is gorgeous (the humidity has done wonders for my hair and my skin isn't dry!!!), and the down time has been necessary for regrouping of my soul!
-It may be too soon to say this, but I really feel like this will turn out to be a wonderful move for my life!