Let's be real.

(G, whom I love and am lucky enough to share life with)

Two months ago a group of people prayed over my life.

During our time of prayer, the theme of Ruth was spoken over my life.

Ruth received much favor from God during the time of the Barley Harvest -- through the generosity of Boaz.

The Barley Harvest began in the 2nd week of April and is ending today? Tomorrow? I don't really remember.

In these past 6-8 weeks, it is true that I have been walking in undeniable favor from God.

Literally, when I think of it, I am blown away. I have had many Holy Ghost moments, times of unnatural favor, deep connections with Him and His people, and fortunate circumstances.

When I think of God, I think of full hands. Hands that offer my life abundance. Good things.

While this season is coming to an end, I have found myself thinking about the next step.

Full hands are great. Full hands make it easy to be thankful, easy to trust. Full hands make it simple to believe that God's heart towards me is good.

But let's be real.

Full hands aren't forever.

Believing in Jesus, following Him, doesn't mean that you'll live in daily harvest. No. I say not. Jesus didn't promise favor and fortune and full hands for those who choose to follow Him.

He actually said that for those who are serious about this faith thing, others would hate us because of Him. He said that if we were truly following Him, our lives will lead us too to the cross. To imminent death and the end of ourselves.

As this season in my life is coming to a close, I find myself whispering the truth to my soul: even when His hands are empty towards me, His heart has not changed. His heart is still good.

Yes, this season of favor has been nice, but it is not forever.

What do you desire? Do you want a good life in this life? A life that is striving to collect goods, pursue comfort, and fixate on the temporal?

You need Jesus.

Allow me to bring you to Him?

The purpose of this life is to give it up for the eternal one. The signs and wonders and miracles of this life are just that.... SIGNS. They aren't the end, they are meant to point our soul to something more, someone more.

My prayer for your life, for mine, is that we may follow Him not for what He does for us, but for who He is.

{heart}

Kel

(Been here far too much in the past week... yay studying for boards! $1.50 for green tea AND unlimited refills. I think yes! Just one more week of this and I will really be done)

That kind of day.

When you pause. And find yourself without words. Just wanting to weep.

It's not even a hormone thing (shocking, I know).

It's definitely more of a "who am I that God would pour His favor on me" kind of thing.

Today, I had a third interview at a hospital in Phoenix. Truly, truly, walked away an hour later and didn't make it far from the entrance. I parked it on a bench and just sat there. Feeling like I was in a daze, the homeless that passed me gave quizzical looks.

I was reading the Proverb for today and was struck with "He shows favor to the humble."

Last night, before turning out the light, I spent some time in my room. To know me is to know my closet. It is my favorite.

I digress... during my time last night, I was reading through the story of Ruth and asking the Spirit what I could learn from her story. The response I received was clear: her humility when Boaz was generous towards her.

I read and re-read Ruth 2 over and over again and loved her response to Boaz:

"Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me...?"

With humility being far from my strong suit (kind of doesn't mesh with self-righteousness), that became my prayer for today. Waking up this morning and being intentional to strip myself of any tinge of entitlement, I found myself craving this sweet spirit. Skip ahead to this afternoon, and the lack of words, the introduction to tears, sprang from unusual favor in the eyes of a stranger.

Blown away.

And no, I am not perfect. I don't post these things to seek a holy-high-five from you. I tell you this day that my natural tendency would be to wear a mask. To pretend perfection. To mislead you. It is because of the sweet wooing of Jesus Christ and His example of reckless abandonment and intimate surrender that I am anything but the aforementioned. It is His most Holy Spirit in my life that is scrubbing me clean and blowing out the cobwebs of my locked and dirty closet... One trusting step and sacred hallelujah at a time.

Vacancy.

I am craving pizza. I am going to have to settle for broccoli.

Just a quick thought!

I was talking with a friend yesterday about -How can you tell that God is near if you don't tangibly feel Him? And how do you know if you feel God's nearness? What does it feel like?

All are great questions.

My answer came in the form of an analogy (welcome to my mind). A few weeks ago, I was home alone and laying out in the backyard. My rambunctious dog was running about, wet as usual, and refused to leave me alone. He can be kind of cute at times, but most times he's annoying.

This time was no exception. He would jump in the pool, sop up water, and come erp on me. It was pretty gross actually ;)

All that to say, I was laying out, on my back, eyes closed, thinking of everything and nothing when I had this impression that he was near. I opened my eyes and saw him perched right next to me. His head was over my legs, but he wasn't touching me.

I remember smiling and thinking that this is how God exposes Himself in my life. Not always touching, tangibly feeling Him, but He's near. Near enough to cast a shadow over me (the dog was prohibiting the sun from affecting my pasty white legs), near enough to affect me without actually touching me.

The last thought I had was this: have you ever had a guest stay the night in your home? Have you ever gone to bed and woken up in the middle of the night and wondered (panicked) "where is my guest?". Have you gotten up in the middle of the night to run to the guest bedroom only to find them sleeping?

Hopefully, not. Just because it is dark and there are many rooms in your house, just because you are asleep and not interacting with your guest -- doesn't follow that your guest has left you.

Jesus says that if you open He'll come in. He'll share a meal with you. He wants to stay. There is security in that. There is security in His commitment to your life.

My encouragement to you is that if you have opened the door to your private world, welcomed in the only Son of God and are in process of recklessly abandoning your own life, rest in the security that He is there. He is near, even when you can't touch Him, He is close enough to cast a shadow over you.

That is about all I've got.

{heart}

Kel