When you pause. And find yourself without words. Just wanting to weep.
It's not even a hormone thing (shocking, I know).
It's definitely more of a "who am I that God would pour His favor on me" kind of thing.
Today, I had a third interview at a hospital in Phoenix. Truly, truly, walked away an hour later and didn't make it far from the entrance. I parked it on a bench and just sat there. Feeling like I was in a daze, the homeless that passed me gave quizzical looks.
I was reading the Proverb for today and was struck with "He shows favor to the humble."
Last night, before turning out the light, I spent some time in my room. To know me is to know my closet. It is my favorite.
I digress... during my time last night, I was reading through the story of Ruth and asking the Spirit what I could learn from her story. The response I received was clear: her humility when Boaz was generous towards her.
I read and re-read Ruth 2 over and over again and loved her response to Boaz:
"Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me...?"
With humility being far from my strong suit (kind of doesn't mesh with self-righteousness), that became my prayer for today. Waking up this morning and being intentional to strip myself of any tinge of entitlement, I found myself craving this sweet spirit. Skip ahead to this afternoon, and the lack of words, the introduction to tears, sprang from unusual favor in the eyes of a stranger.
And no, I am not perfect. I don't post these things to seek a holy-high-five from you. I tell you this day that my natural tendency would be to wear a mask. To pretend perfection. To mislead you. It is because of the sweet wooing of Jesus Christ and His example of reckless abandonment and intimate surrender that I am anything but the aforementioned. It is His most Holy Spirit in my life that is scrubbing me clean and blowing out the cobwebs of my locked and dirty closet... One trusting step and sacred hallelujah at a time.