Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Hoops, Dreams and Vision.

Wowsers. This has been quite a week! I have sat down three times in the last two days to blog, and am just now able to. So much to say. Yet, I'm not really eager to say anything at all. Sometimes when I learn a lesson, I prefer to make it history and move on. I think today is an exception.

Jeepers I have so much running through my head. Last week, all week, I felt like I just needed a hug. School has been tough, and teachers have been tougher. What doesn't kill you makes you strong, right? Nope. I find myself to be an exception to that rule. What doesn't kill me, drains me and leaves me for dead. Okay, I know, I'm over exaggerating. But in all honestly, I feel like nursing school has truly exposed my weakness.

This past week, I learned something new about myself. Side note: when will that ever end? I'm 18 (almost 19 woo hoo) and have lived with myself from the beginning. I know me better than any other person yet I'm still so blinded to myself. Scary. As I was saying, last week I realized that I don't jump through hoops. I have a handful of stories that illustrate this point, but as I started typing them, I realized that this isn't necessarily one of my best traits. I guess that depends on who you ask. Ha. The irony in my new discovery is that I'm considering joining the Army. Ha. Haha. Yeah, not sure how well that would work. Moving on.

Another lesson I learned this week is the importance of the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. In Ephesians 6 (the passage I claimed as my life verse for 2010... little did I know how real it would become), it talks about the importance of taking with you the sword of the spirit. A few nights ago, I was fast asleep and dreaming about my rotation in the Psych ward (which starts next week). The dream was scary, and very dark. I woke up (at 3 in the morning) paralyzed from fear. Scared out of my mind, and tangibly feeling the presence of evil in my room, I recalled to memory my theme verse. I then instinctively grabbed my bible, which is housed on my night stand and slept with it on my chest. I can remember thinking that the enemy could come and attack, but the beauty of it all was this: I was equipped with the sword, and already victorious in the blood of Jesus. I began to pray, and next thing I knew it was 6 am and my alarm was waking me up from a peaceful dream. It was an experience that I won't soon forget.

I'll end with this (I have to run and pick up the little ones in time to make it to the older girls' track meet. Go Valley :)... the past few weeks I have been lacking vision. Not so much lacking vision, but lacking direction. I know what I want in life. I know what I want to do. It's simply. I want to pour into others, I want to love with all I have, I want to serve the least of these, I want to feed that hungry and take care of the broken. My God wants to be in relation with the people I encounter on a daily basis, and I want to be the one to make the grand introduction. This is my desire: to be known by my love, and to make His love known. Where that will take me? I have not a clue. Maybe to Germany (Go Army)? Perhaps to the Congo (Doctors Without Borders)? Or maybe even the Oncology ward at Phoenix Children's.

Be thou my vision, Oh Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight,
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.


  1. Kelly, this is legit! I'm with you on so many levels (school, getting drained, lacking direction, etc.). God is so good though, and He has an awesome plan for your life that will fulfill the desires He has placed in your heart! It's hard to see at times, but He's a master planner, and He'll show you the pieces of the plan that you need to see, when you need to see them (He's been showing me this lately!). :) Hang in there!

  2. Praying for you my friend. I pray that your love for others will have a ripple effect and in turn effect even people you've never met.

    God will reveal His perfect will for you one step at a time. It truly is a walk of faith. He has you right where he wants you, psych ward and all. I'll be praying for you as you walk out these next several weeks...