Brick by brick.

Sturdy.

Walls built high, built sure. 

The consummate fight for protected boundaries.

Internal space, representing the fast approaching, external distance.

As if walls could placate the true longing for intimacy.

Great walls may make for great neighbors.

But high fences are hardly for lovers.

The reflexes of the soul engage in dire times.

To fight or to flee?

Fighting is hard, requiring much.

Characterized by proactive, intentional, forward movement,

It takes you far from your walls, your self-built prison.

Fleeing requires will and swift feet.

Many bricks, even more mortar.

But there is no armor for the back.

With a facade of being safe, fleeing leaves one vulnerable, unprotected.

On the eve of good bye, with an internal choice to be made, You remind me...

That You do not build walls around Your heart.

That safety mechanisms may serve their purpose,

But they grow on a medium of isolated living.

What does it say of a life, if it is not being lived?

What does it show of a love, if the heart is incapable of being hurt?

May You lead me far from the high walls I have built around my heart.

Bring me out the captivity I have been enslaved in; the imprisonment of myself.

Drown the safety mechanisms of my flesh, until only a love that reflects Your heart, remains in me.

{heart}
Kel

FL Update!!
-I wrote this the day before I left for FL. I was having a hard time saying goodbye to the people that meant the most. I felt like I had been internally distant with those that I love for the past 6 weeks, ever since I had been offered the job, really. On the day before I left, I realized that I was not engaging my family and dear friends on a personal level, because my heart was anticipating the 2,000 mile gap that would be coming soon. I was reminded of His truth, and just in time.
-Goodbyes were more rough than anticipating, but the past few days here have truly been sweet!
-I am living with a family that already feels like my own. Their generosity has been difficult to receive (being independent isn't always a beautiful thing), but truly overwhelming. They have been grace in my life -- giving me more than I deserve.
-I finished my pre-employment physical yesterday and had my picture taken for my badge!
-I met up with some fabulous ladies on Thursday for a movie night out! Truly loved my time with them, and think that I have found a roommate/living situation for the fall!
-I've started a Beth Moore biblestudy on the book of James, I'll be able to make the first group on Tuesday!
-Orientation starts on Monday.
-The town is picturesque, the weather is gorgeous (the humidity has done wonders for my hair and my skin isn't dry!!!), and the down time has been necessary for regrouping of my soul!
-It may be too soon to say this, but I really feel like this will turn out to be a wonderful move for my life!

Fear.

{For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power and love and self control. 2 Tim 1:7}

Hardened.

Brittle, not soft.

Like porous ground, stern as brick.

The culture of my heart has been difficult to cultivate.

Fibers grown callous by weeks of imbedded fear.

Fear.

The oppressive spirit, that has been willingly engaged.

It was a slow degeneration.

Soil growing dry.

Masked by business and several good byes.

A bitter progression lead me far from being vulnerable with You; impressionable and soft.

And I go to bed.

Feeling distant, light fading dim.

Feeling very much afraid.

And I awake from Your visions, colored and true.

You have been acquainted with fear.


You have known nothing of evil.

In the garden, eyes seeping tears, falling on ground, now fertile.

You begged that the cup, the Cross, be taken from You.

You are Jesus, tried and true.

You have faced the abominable presence of fear and remained steadfast.

Your heart, in sync with the Father's, was soft.

Soft, even in the presence of the most keen weapon of the evil one.

I awake to the sun rising, rejoicing in this: that The Son has risen.

You have not been bound by fear.

Your drops of blood, now rushing vast as a river, cover my indiscretions.

Your body, afflicted and hollow, beckons me to come and hide.

Your scars and nakedness resound with affection for me.

Your life and death and life eternal invite me to BE NOT AFRAID.

You drown me in Your good news.

Freedom is for today.

Life is for living, in tune with the Father.

Triumph is for the weak and trusting, for You are strong and worthy to be trusted.

Today, this day, I am secure in this: that my lot is in You

... and You will complete the work You have begun in me.

May You set Your hand to the plow in my heart and not finish until my fields are pliable.

Tender, like Jesus.

{heart}
Kel

FL Update!
-This is from a few weeks ago -- when I was battling fear and anxiety related to the move. There are so many unknowns! After 3 precious people prayed peace over my life in the span of 24 hours, I realized that I was engaging fear, instead of wasting away in trust with the Father.
-My car is officially in FL! I feel like a pre-adolescent again. Asking mom and dad for rides! They have been more than gracious :)
-Saying goodbyes has left me feeling emotionally bankrupt.
-Because of that, I'm looking forward to not knowing many people on the other end! This will give me some time to recoup and rebuild what I have with Jesus in the secret places of my heart.
-I've been asked to speak at the ASU School of Nursing Induction Ceremony in August, so it looks like I'll be coming back for a visit then :) :)
-I fly out early Tuesday morning and am truly excited to start this new chapter!

Strong to a fault

You have made me strong.

At times, I realize, that I am strong to a fault.

As a gift to Your heart, oil to Your feet, I wake up from a full night's dreams, only wishing to surrender.

Help me to trust.

Lead me on Your path of life; steep, narrow, uneven.

Instill in me a heart that is eager to follow.

Stop these fears from placing a bridle on Your extravagant plans.

Sweetly woo the regins away from clasped fingers.

Let us run together, I the trusting one.

Keep me from dismounting when the path gets steep; as if my own two feet are more able than Yours.

May peace reign in my heart as we move at Your pace.

Never let me forget...

That You have been faithful in this life, amongst my faithless seasons.

That Your heart towards me is good; hands empty or hands full.

That the compass of Your heart is set on home and You are leading me on refining.

That You are my Great Protection, and together, we will flee the enemy.

That You are the Strong One.

That it is not a mark of failure to be weak with You.

That I cannot be more successful than being dependent on You and resting in You.

That You are kind.

{heart}
Kel

Florida Update!
2 shifts left at work!
1 Family wedding
Going away party at my Parent's place on June 2 @ 6:30pm -- come!
I am shipping my car (with clothes, shoes, hair products)
I have purchased a One-way plane ticket
I am stoked to start my new job (and be on days)
I am looking forward to sharing life with a small handful of quality individuals that are receiving me on the other side
:)