Saturday, April 18, 2009
This week has been different. Lovely, yes. Difficult, for sure. Confusing, most definitely. Beautiful, undoubtedly. The theme of my life (sadly enough) is praying -- without true faith for what it is I am praying for. You know that passage in Matthew... the one that says "I tell you the truth, if you have the faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Yeah, that passage most definitely sums up the theme of my life! When I was little, my greatest desire was to own a horse :) I prayed about that more than anything and one day, completely unexpected, my prayers came true. God fulfilled the desires of my heart. I can remember a time 6 years back when I was saying goodbye to my horse (he was deathly ill), at the equine hospital -- the vet said that he shouldn't make it through the night -- I kissed him goodbye and prayed; Again, without faith. And today, he greeted me with a kiss, just like he has every other day since the time I brought him home from the hospital -- fully healed. He is a walking, breathing, living, loving testimony of God's goodness to me. And a textbook definition of a miracle. The vets could not explain his complete healing. I could. Prayer and faith in a BIG God.
Moving on, the other craving of my heart has been to become a nurse. The premise behind the nursing profession is one person caring for another. Beautiful. This has my name written all over it :) I feel like nursing is what I am uniquely called to. Throughout the past few years, I have been working towards my goal of becoming a nurse. Recently, I received notice that I have been accepted into Nursing School! This too happened after years of praying without faith (I prayed but didn't think that acceptance was likely). I am living proof of what Jesus said to the disciples in Matthew. My prayers were littered with mustard seeds and surely they have moved mountains. I know that I am only embarking on this journey of Nursing School, but I wouldn't be here today -- living the life I'm living -- owning horses of my own -- accepted into nursing school -- if it weren't for my faith.
From my horses, to becoming a nurse, to my car (that's a great story -- ask me about it sometime!), to having a love for someone who profoundly hurt me (another great story...), to testing in the top 3% on my Nursing Entrance Test, my life is what it is today, because of Jesus. Those things that I've just listed are just a glimpse into the miracles I've witnessed throughout my lifetime. To me, that is just evidence that I serve a God who is present and active. A God who dwells in His people and with His people. A God who's spirit is relevant to my life, today.
Two weeks ago, I began praying for direction. Yes, Nursing School is the general direction of which I am headed, but there are so many details that need to be set before next August. One of those details would be my horses. Two weeks ago, I began praying for direction. The horses are not mine. I've wholly surrendered them to God. They are His. They have been in my life for over 10 years, and have helped form me into the lady I am today. He has used them to illustrate what moving mountains look like -- to a girl who holds a mustard seed at heart. He has shown His goodness to me, through them. Today, I met with a family, a family that will potentially provide a new home for my babies. Two weeks ago I was praying (without faith -- I didn't think that anything would happen), praying that I would find a way for them to be taken care of. Praying that they would be loved on while I was preoccupied with school. Last week (on Tuesday), I heard from this family, and today I met them. They are sweet people. More than that, I know that they would love my babies with the same passion and spirit in which I love them. They're in the process of deciding and seriously talking about bringing my loves home with them, but it would appear that I've found my horses a new home today.
I am at rest. My soul is at ease. God has a plan and fully surrendered is the best place to be. Funny how fast things can happen -- one min you think you're in control, the next min, you give something over to God, you hand over the reigns, and the next moment, they're gone. His plan for me is beautiful. He has a lovely ending to my story, and as sad as this makes me, I have hope. More than that, I have faith.
*The picture is of an actual mustard seed. Notice how little it is and that it's inside of a necklace :) *