Monday, April 27, 2009
Boy oh boy, where to start? Yesterday was undoubtedly the saddest day of my life. When I was in kindergarten, my teacher asked each child to write a true story of an event that happened in my life. My story was entitled "The saddest day of my life." Catching right? My story depicted the tale of falling in love with an animal (a golden retriever at the pound to be precise) and then not being able to bring that animal home with me (someone else got to it before we did). My paper was bombarded with tears and misspellings, which only proved my title to be true. In the short 5 years of my life, I hadn't experienced anything so sad. With 13 more years of experience, I can now say that yesterday took the prize for the saddest day ever. Allow me to explain...
11 years ago, I was attending a public school in Gilbert and just going through the motions of every day life. Fast forward a year, and I was given 2 horses for Christmas. They breathed life into my veins. My horses taught me to love unconditionally (even if you get bucked off or trampled), they taught me how to communicate with other means than words (try telling a 1000 pound animal what to do with just body language -- it's pretty powerful!), they taught me how to truly care for something other than myself (rain or shine, there was always work to be done with them!) and they gave me the thrill of life. They, in return, took care of me, were willing to learn, loved me back, and respected me. We shared many great memories together -- from 5 am rides in the summer time to the local 7/11 to buy slurpies and funyuns, to competing in Barrel racing shows, we definitely shared some wonderful times.
Once we got the horses, we moved out to Queen Creek (so that they could live in our backyard). This move impacted my life severely. Because of this move, I began home schooling, we found a new church and developed brand new relationships with quality people that I still admire to this day. After a few years of homeschooling, I began attending the local Community College which also had a severe impact on my education. After I finished the courses needed for High School, I began working on Nursing prerequisites... which brings me to where I am today -- 18 and accepted into ASU's Nursing School. The horses acted as catalysts for my future. With them, brought change, and the change was for the better.
Last semester (fall 08), I had applied to Nursing School and didn't get accepted. I was confused by this (merely because I felt a calling on my life to become a nurse), but trusted that God had a plan for me and for my future. Looking back on it now, God gave me the gift of time. In this past semester, I have had the ability to love on my horses and nurture them, I've also made many new and awesome friends, and I've been able to spend time with my family -- especially my brother (who is leaving for the Army and then Dental School starting in early June).
Today, I have been overwhelmed by God's faithfulness to me. He provided me with the privilege of owning horses. He also provided me with a loving home to send them to. He has provided me with the finances to pay for them over the past year (which is an incredible story -- you should ask me about it sometime...). He provided me with the gift of being accepted into Nursing School, after first being rejected -- merely to give me the gift of time. He found a loving home for my goats, and has orchestrated my whole life and made it beautiful because of His faithfulness to me.
Growing up, my favorite movie was Charlotte's Web. That movie made me cry every-single-time I watched it, mainly because of one scene in particular. The scene begins with Fern (the farmer's daughter) rescuing the runt of the litter (Wilbur) from slaughter, and nurturing him back to life. When Wilbur grows up to be a healthy pig, Fern's dad found him a new home. The part that made me lose it was when Fern said goodbye to Wilbur and watched him drive away to a new life. She knew that he would have to go on living without her... Yeah. Tragic. I felt like I was reenacting that scene in real life yesterday. I kissed my babies goodbye and watched them drive away.
For someone who prides herself on loving, abandonment is the hardest thing in the whole wide world. My horses went to a lovely home, as did my goats, but in my heart, it still feels like I've abandoned them. My heart feels empty. Like a mother who's lost her child. My eyes are swollen from the tears that seem to be endless. I feel like staying under the covers all day and never coming up for air. As much as my heart hurts thought, I'm filled with peace -- which is just plain weird if you ask me. Peace that confirms to me that I made the right decision. Peace that illustrates God's faithfulness to me. Peace which surpasses all understanding. My soul is at ease, even when my heart feels hollow. But I entrust myself to the One who has worked my life together for the good. To the One who gave me the gift of my horses, the gift of time, and now the gift of Nursing School. He has a beautiful plan for me, and this was simply just a part of His plan.
This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Love, Kel
P.S. check out this website for my "goodbye" pictures of me and my horses (you might need to scroll down...) http://treasurethetime.com/blog/ Thank you to Mrs. Bradshaw for everything! I have so much love in my heart for her, and her precious family.
P.S.S. My dad got a blog :) and he gave his account of yesterday... http://mlassiter.blogspot.com/