Saturday, April 4, 2009

Swallow the world

Gah! I have so stinkin much to say! All week last week, I meant to sit down and blog, but I never made the time... Anyways, more blogs to come for sure! :p Mmk so how about I start with where my heart was last week!

Last week, I came to the realization that I'm done. I'm so done. I am just done with this life. I realized last week that this life brings me no lasting fulfillment and that it doesn't hold my soul. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely things in life which I enjoy, spending time with and loving on others would definitely be at the top of this list. But coffee dates only last so long, and friendships often come in waves. One season in life they're here, the next they're gone. So yeah, last week the prayer of my heart was God can I just be done?

Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying! I'm not suicidal. I do not plan on taking my life. :P Last week, I just came to a place where I realized that there was nothing I'd rather be doing than spending time in the presence of God. There is nowhere else I'd rather be than with Him. Last week, the greatest desire of my heart was to be with Him and never ever leave. This world doesn't hold my soul, but He does. He is my strength and my portion. In Him I have found lasting fulfillment and because of His satiating love, my heart longs -- more than anything -- to be with Him.

So yeah, last week I sulked over and became envious of the story of Enoch... to say the least! :) In genesis 5 (vs 24), it says "Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him." How incredible is that? I would love to have the same said for me! My desire is to walk with Him, and last week my prayer was to be no more because I wanted God to take me too. I'm ready to be with Him. Obviously, I'm still here, which only means that God isn't finished with me! I'm only in the middle of my story. He isn't ready for me to have my happily ever after yet -- the beautiful ending where I am reunited with Him. That must mean that His will for me is to be here, and until He is ready for me to join Him, I will continue to do what I enjoy most, loving others.

I read a quote last week that I instantly adopted as my life motto. It said "I wish to love the whole world. One person at a time." So until He calls me to Himself, I will continue to do that which He has given me a passion for, loving. God is so good and the cup of my heart is beyond full. I love because He loves me.

In closing, I read a passage in John last week that gave me hope. In John 16 it says "In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart for I have overcome the world." Sometimes I feel like as a follower of Jesus -- in being set apart for Him -- I have a lot on my plate. Following Him with my whole heart, renouncing the sin of the world, loving others fearlessly, being quick to forgive, and slow to anger -- worshiping Him with my thoughts, actions, and the motives of my heart... the list goes on. Yah, I feel like I'm having to swallow and digest something equivilent to the size of the world. Talk about heartburn! :p I've often felt the pressure the perform, and to perform perfectly. Yet last week, God graciously reminded me that He has overcome the world. It is not for me to overcome on my own. He has already defeated the yolk of sin and made a way for me to be triumphant too!

Not only has He written the play of my life, but He has also cast all of the members too. He has orchastrated the music that beats within my heart and all I have to do is trust Him. He will take care of the rest. He has a beautiful ending for me, and for my story, but I'm still in the middle of the production. So until my final act, may it be said of me that I abide in and trust in Jesus. May I not lose sight (or heart for that matter) of His grace and may I rejoice in the truth that He has overcome the world for me.

May your heart be liberated by the truth of Jesus and may you know Him in an intimate way. May you join me in running the race to be with Him and may our stories intertwine. May you know the power of God's love and may it transform you. May you never be the same. This is the story that's been on my heart (the overview at least...), if I've left you with questions feel free to ask. Until the next blog post... Hi ho hi ho its off to love I go. ba da duh da duh da duh da duh da Hi ho Hi ho Hi ho Hi ho. :)


  1. girl. i dont even know what to say. I LOVE your heart. and sooo understand.

    o and btw....

    ORCHESTRATION is my favorite word.

  2. Wow.. so this is what you were talking about when you said you totally agreed with my status update the other day! Haha. I was talking with someone yesterday about how many people are all about doing, doing, doing. When we try to do stuff on our own we fail. We feel like we are doing the right things, but they are not working out like we feel like they should be. Sure, God has great plans for us and wants to use us to do amazing things. However, He does not need us for that. He can do anything He wants, with or without us. That is not the primary reason He created us.

    He created us so that He could have a relationship with Him. That is first and foremost. He wants us to love on Him and enjoy Him. That is His heart for us. He wants us to spend time with Him. He delights in us! How incredible is that? That the God of the universe wants to be in a personal relationship with US and he delights in US. Wow!

    It is when we dive into the relationship that He has for us that we learn to hear His voice and become in tune with His desires. It is then that we learn His ways and begin to understand what He wants. It is then, and only then, that we can truly live out our true calling and be living completely in His will for our lives. His desires become our desires and His ways, our ways. So many people miss that. I know I have. I feel like many people say that Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship, but then don't live that out.

    It's encouraging to see God working in our lives and pulling us closer to Him. I love your heart for Him and your desire to spend time with Him. Don't ever lose that! God will use you to do great things Kelly!

  3. ORCHESTRATION eh? I am so using that Amanda! :)

    Tim, we have lots to talk about! :)