It's 9:33 and I should be getting in bed right now... but, I have decided to blog instead :) As of last Tuesday, I officially helped birth a baby at work, and intend on spending 12 more hours in that pursuit tomorrow. Hence, I should really be getting some sleep... but my mind is full.
What is my mind full with you might ask? Dreams. I am a perpetual dreamer. I aspire to accomplish grandiose feats in my time and complacency seems to be my ever present enemy.
While up at Hume, I was talking to Grandpa Boy love love love (as he's saved in my skype contacts -- my grandpa skypes and that's only ONE of the many reasons why he's the greatest) about dreams. Not the kind of dreams that you have while fast asleep (I like those kinds too), but the kind that keep you awake at night with excitement and eager anticipation. I went on to tell my grandpa of a handful of dreams that I have for my life. To name a few, I listed things like: serving in South Africa next summer, working for a few years in a hospital in the US, being employed with Doctors Without Borders and filling people's tangible needs worldwide. Dreams like attending Bible College and making a difference, like being the healing hands of Jesus and touching lives, but inviting Him to touch their souls.
These dreams, all wonderful to me, are of course for the purpose of "furthering His kingdom" or "doing hard things, so that He might be glorified." I find that I use these, often times, Christian cliches to describe the purpose of my dreams, the purpose of my life. But my grandpa, well, he spoke the words that I needed to hear - words that my dreaming half didn't particularly want to hear, but that my soul deeply needed.
He told me "Kelly, those are all wonderful things, but do you realize that works have become your focus? Kelly, you are dreaming of DOING FOR GOD, but all He really wants is You. He wants your full attention in this present moment, and He wants Himself to be enough for you."
*Insert conviction here* I find, and with this I will close, that I am prone to doing for God, rather than being with God. Not to say that God isn't in those wonderful things or that God hasn't instilled those precious dreams in my heart, but what He wants is me. He just wants me and when I'm occupied or busy with doing, I often times lose sight of that.
My encouragement to you is this: may you come to know the heart of the Father and may that be enough. If you are trying, striving, reaching and hoping to work towards DOING wonderful things in life FOR HIM, know that seeking daily intimacy with Him is enough. Just being with Him is enough. I would encourage you to unwind, let go and climb into the lap of the Father who is waiting eagerly for your company -- the company of your heart and full attention. May you experience the love of the Father and may close intimacy with Him bring opportunities into your life that are larger than you could have dreamed. May He be enough for you and may your dreams rest in peace.