Waiting.

{ @PhoenixOne}

I wake up and still You are with me.

You are faithful, even when my faith is less.

You have whispered to my soul, breathed over it, time and time again.

When did I let the doubt sneak in?

When did I crack open the door of disbelief for the promise You are holding for me?

I wake up this day and am undone by Your goodness.

By the words spoken yesterday, by the words You gifted me with today.

You are good, and You are worthy to be trusted, to this my whole being can attests.

You are good and Your gift for my life is good as well.

May my heart not retreat in this season of waiting.

May it grow stronger, may it be lost in You even more.

May I run with all I have, always fast, never again to slow.

May I not be faint
May weariness never bind me
May doubt never shake me
May faith always fill me
May grace never leave me
May Your strong hand uphold me
May I sing for joy in the shadow of Your wings
May I be fixed on the Giver and never on the gift
and May You grace me with a deep and quiet spirit all the days that I am waiting.

May I be courage.

May You be calling.

May I be patience.

May You be holding.

May I hear and obey.

May You be loud.

May I be lower still, moved to awe, by Your highness.

{heart}
Kel

Reboot.

This week, I took a roadtrip to to CA with Bri girl. No plans. No itinerary. Just us. In the present.


Started with tea and maybe, just maybe, buying a surprise iced coffee and treat to drop off at Valley High for my Brynn girl!



Personal tour of the Oakley Headquarters much? So fun!



The things I find humor in...





4 hours of no talking. Just thinking.

So lovely.

Sitting at dinner with three of my favs. Grandpa boy said that he would snap his neck if he leaned back any further melt my {heart}

8 hours later.... we made it home. Nothing like bumper to bumper traffic for 2.5 hours -- more like nap time for me! Thank goodness some people in this world actually like to drive!

Back and rested and ready for fall.
{heart}
Kel

Restless.

It is the feeling that wakes up with me in the morning.

It is the bitter gnaw that never quite settles.

It is the stirring that keeps my tired mind from resting at night.

It is relentless.

I search for the antidote in solitude and in conversations.

In the confines of my closet.

In the presence of many.

And it is still with me.

Prayer is the only thing that has dressed the wound of my restlessness.

I am pilgrimatical.

I am on a journey, far from my place of origin.

The sinking of roots is hard for this sojourning soul.

Surely to have another with me on this journey would be reckless.

Being is hard when stirring is biting at your heels.

And You speak to me when I am leaning.

You remind me that I am as far away from You today as I will ever be.

Each passing minute, that carries with it the hour, the day, brings me closer to You.

This restlessness has a purpose.

It is a seed planted in the marked ones.

It is the tension of holiness.

A soul that is cleaned with hands that are dirty.

It is the understanding that this world cannot hold me.

It is the certainty that You already are.

And the latter makes me all the more restless for You.

You are my I AM.

And I am finding that my silence says the most.

{heart}
Kel

Tame her with grace.

Wiley, rambunctious, astray.

I was lost.

Not knowing that I wanted to be found.

Stubborn, spirit as strong as flint, You knew that it would take much to draw me.

You did not exercise Your might in drawing my spirit.

You have not overpowered me.

You have overwhelmed me.

You have revealed to me Your grace, and of those waters I am still sinking.

In the well of Your grace, my pail has yet to hit bottom.

And You whisper to my soul, and You are worthy to be trusted, and You say:

"My daughter, search and see, go deeper still, and I assure you My grace is sufficient."

And I trust you.

And I come around.

I am intrigued not by Your strength, but by Your tenderness.

I am undone by Your mercy.

I am broken by Your forgiveness.

I am overwhelmed by Your grace.

You know me well.

You knew that it would take grace so sufficient to draw this flighty soul towards You.

I am here now.

You need not muscle me to the ground.

I come and I am quiet and I lay myself down.

My broken spirit and broken and contrite heart are what I have to offer.

Wholeness and redemption are waiting for me.

My soul is branded.

And my purpose, identity, and sense of belonging have Your seal, the blood of Jesus, forever singed on them.

You mark me with Your holy and the work is complete.

I am the product of one tamed by grace and You are beautiful.

{heart}
Kel


{Coffee date with brother love}

{Birthday party for a fav 10 year old}

{Magic School Buss adventures with Noah}

Transition.

My bones can feel it.

The cusp of a new season.

I am in transition.

I know where I am coming from, my steps are not hard to retrace.

But where am I going?

I have neatly packed the bags of my soul, they are placed by the door, and I wait.

What am I waiting for?

Ah, the question of the hour, the day, the month.

Waiting can be fun for a while, exciting even.

But now?

I come before Your throne.

Not with boldness today, the walking of the center isle allthewaytothefront.

I feel at ease in the third row from the back, the middle of the pew.

Close, but within reach.

Distant, but very much present.

My mind whispers to what is me and says "unpack your bags, it's going to be a while"

Where is the resistance coming from?

Is it You?

Is it me?

The sinking of roots, it sounds so... stable.

And I have tasted, and I have seen, You are good.

And You are all I want.

And the tension comes from burying what I have found in You and going to market.

I want to sell.

To be sold out, for You are my treasure.

My bags are packed now, I am ready to come away.

But I am missing it.

You are all I need.

And in the silence, I get it.

Coming to You naked now, I am walking the center isle.

Allthewaytothefront.

Unashamed.

On my face.

Before Your throne.

Undone, unhinged, still scathed.

I get it.

Cover me in the blood, I want to be made whole.

I want You and only all of You.

I offer what I have, that is me.

From death to life.

From loved to loving.

From me to You.

May I never be anything less than in transition.

{heart}
Kel

Who I am.

{someday I will experience this. ohhowIwish that day would come soon.}

I am chosen.

I am called.

I am treasured.

I am trusting.

I am joyful.

I am rested.

I am one who has hope.

I am the ransomed one.

I am sure.

I am steadfast.

I am faithful.

I am clean, as white as they come by the blood.

I am forgiven.

I am thankful.

Who I am speaks of who You are.

You are Jehovah Rapha, my healer.

You are consuming.

You are just.

You are worthy, you have not mishandled my trust.

You are fierce.

You are whole.

You are generous.

You are the giver of every gift, hard and lovely.

You are my One thing.

You are enough.

You are all I ever need and You are the revealing one; I have come to know that You are all I ever want.

You are the great Leader, I will follow You and not be afraid.

You are raw, You do not build walls around Your heart.

You are my Beloved, and today, I rejoice that I am Yours.

{heart}
Kel