Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Funny with goodbyes.
Much, much, much to say, but I will start with this: I am funny with goodbyes.
The first time I realized this was 3 years ago, way back in August of 2008. You see, my brother and I have been pretty close. We are close. In the August of 2008, he moved away to college. Not to be misleading, he moved to ASU's Polytech Campus, which is less than glamorous and closer to home than the nearest gas station (okay, so I exaggerate a little). Nevertheless, he left. A few weeks before his official move out date, I remember having an unacknowledged tension between the two of us.
Push came to shove eventually, and we got into a fight. I remember that it revolved around the laundry, but did it really? No. Neither of us were good at goodbyes. The conversation ended with this: "Well fine, I'll just leave!" "Fine, leave! And I hope the door does hit you on your way out!"
Within the week, I had been officially invited to his "dorm" and it was then, that I realized that we were capable of sustaining a close relationship, even with 8 miles between us.
In class this week, I sensed the same -unacknowledged- tension among my classmates, now, very much my friends. It made me sad for a moment, knowing that for the past two years these beautiful people have seen me at my brightest and at my lowest. I have shared many laughs, inside jokes and pages of notes with these people and this week, I sensed each person drawing back... as if we were all subconsciously aware that this sweet season is coming to a quick end.
I could stay sad, but I was reminded of my history with goodbyes and came to the conclusion that the best outcome of goodbye is living without regret. Loving while they're in your life, caring in the present. Available, should they want you in their future, and committed to those that are forever branded on your heart.
I will need to remind myself of this in the coming weeks, as I know that I have many to say goodbye to.
This is life. Wonderfully, life.