Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Something I, in my short years, have much of. Most days.
Other days, the alarm goes off and I wonder if I could just lie there. All day.
Craving rest, but the kind that endless sleep never quite quenches.
The kind that makes you crazy until it is breathed over your soul.
Enough, the kind of the soul is enough.
I walked the dog tonight.
The smell of Asian food is heavy in the air -- such a tease.
And I smiled at a memory.
Recalling the time when I babysat two fiesty boys. And found myself readily in need of a cigarette break after only 5 hours.
-Don't worry mom, that is a figure of speech. I like my lungs.
We were wet.
Running through the sprinklers in our clothes at dusk.
One sprinkler head was missing.
The littlest, just over two, is going to be an engineer some day. I am claiming it now.
He picked up the broken head and tried to screw it back on to our own Old Faithful.
The water squrited in all directions with fury.
It pegged me of course -- which lead to giggles and a new game.
But on my walk, tonight, I found myself asking: could my love for others really come from the run off of my love for You?
Like this sprinkler head, could what is visible to others stem from what I have that is deeper with you?
Could I vest all of my energy in my love for You?
Could my life and my temporal, weak, love for others be the leftovers?
Could my love for others never steal the leading role of this performance?
It's not about my performance.
It's about Jesus.
Smiling now, seeing me for what I am.
Every. single. part of me.
Smiling, because tonight, with my stomach grumbling, you reminded me that Your hands are big enough to hold my brokenness together.
The creases of your palms hold in the goodness of Your Spirit.
You seal me in, fill me up, and long for me to pour over.
It was what I was created for.
May this energy, this love, not be misplaced.
May it always be spent on you. Wholly on You.
Praise be to Jesus who holds me in, fills me up, spills me over, and sends me out.
It is my favorite.