Sunday, January 30, 2011
I am my father's daughter.
Growing up, I can remember times when my dad would talk about losing sleep at night. He would lose sleep not because of stress, but because of questions. "Why?" questions. Tossing and turning, pondering, thinking, processing.
Here it is, 10:40pm, on the eve of my largest test in Nursing School (to date) and I'm stuck in a similar position.
Every time I ate something today, I thought about hunger. Google it, I dare you, and you will find many a fact at your fingertips. Our world is hungry. Our nation is fat, dying premature deaths due to gorging, but that is not the norm for the world. People like me, like you, are going to bed tonight hungry. Every time I ingested food today I thought about this.
Do you ever have days where you skip meals just to remember what being hungry feels like? I recognize that passing on a meal is less than favorably viewed in our culture today, but for me, it serves as a reminder; the great thing about skipping a meal is that I come to appreciate the next meal so much more... What then, do I say, to the fact that those who suffer from chronic hunger don't often have the security of an assured next meal?
Today, I have been grappling with this thought: the world is hungry.
I am sure of this (even though the size of my Nation would trend on the inverse of that). I have seen hunger first hand.
My battle now is not with the "why?" -- Why me? Why am I fortunate enough to have more provisions than anyone could wish for? My problem is the "what?"
What am I going to do with this knowledge? What am I going to do with these statistics that represent real people? What am I capable of doing? What means do I have to contribute?
Tonight will be a long night, for various reasons of course, but I can't stop churning over this.
In the book of James, you'll find this:
What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?... For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.
I want to give. I want to be generous. At the end of my life, I want to be spent... every penny, every word, every action and emotion; not an ounce withheld. I want to love, I want to give, I want to follow Jesus.